Unintended
by allie34
Summary: FINISHED JC- obviously. Although it's a sequel to unnameable, unplaceable, if you haven't read that story it's still readable. Post Endgame. Final chaptar is up.
1. Geek central

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager belongs to Paramount Pictures.  
  
This is the sequel to 'Unnameable Unplacable', but if you haven't read it, don't worry it doesn't follow on directly, so you should be fine reading this.  
  
This is set about a year after Endgame and about three months after my previous story. Seven and Chakotay are no longer together, but instead Chakotay is with Janeway, so obviously this is, at heart, a J/C story. However, if you only like to read J/C, they only take up about a third of this story, so you decide whether or not you want to read it, but please do, and feel free to give me some feedback.  
  
I know that my spelling isn't perfect, so please don't write a review saying that I have spelling mistakes, and that sentences make no sense. What would be a lot more useful to me, would be if you could tell me which word I have spelt wrong, and give me the correct version (I often type the correct spelling, but wrong word or just the wrong spelling), I apologise in advance for any mistakes.  
  
Star dates are really hard to put into normal dates, so I have guessed the month that Voyager returned to the Alpha quadrant. In the book homecoming they return about four weeks before the first term of the academy begins, or something like that, so I figured it would have been about August that Voyager made it home. Then again, I may be totally wrong, but for the purposes of this story, Voyager returned to the Alpha quadrant on the 14th of August 2378.  
  
~*~  
  
Chapter 1: Geek central  
  
San Francisco, May 2nd 2379.  
  
"How are you feeling?" Kathryn turned at the sound of the voice, and saw Chakotay sitting by her bed.  
  
"Groggy," she smiled, "have I been here long?"  
  
He shook his head, "not that long, a few hours maybe."  
  
Kathryn met his eyes and saw all the love she had for him reflected back in them. She put her hand out and reached for his, instinctively he took her hand in his and smiled down at her. Her smile faltered slightly fearing the answer to her next question, "did everything go okay?" she asked.  
  
Chakotay's smile widened, if that was at all possible, "yes, the doctor says that the implantation went well, but he'll be here in a few moments just to talk with the two of us."  
  
Kathryn looked at him sternly, "about what? I thought you said that everything was okay-"  
  
"It is," he interrupted her panic, "but he still needs to go through a few things with us, after all this isn't an ordinary pregnancy."  
  
At hearing the word pregnancy Kathryn smiled, when she had put their embryo into status aboard Voyager she had never thought that she would be able to re-implant because the circumstances were so difficult, but no she was so happy to be again carrying his child. "I want to have a scan done," she started impatiently.  
  
Chakotay laughed lightly, "we'll ask the doctor when he comes back in, he just wanted to give us some space to talk things over."  
  
Although Kathryn was still smiling, Chakotay noticed that tears were forming in her eyes, noticing that he was looking at her she looked away. Swiftly he moved from his chair and sat on the edge of her bed, "what's wrong?" he asked softly, wishing more than anything to take what ever was causing her pain from her.  
  
"It's nothing," she sat up in the bed, and returned his gaze, "it's just it shouldn't have happened like this Chakotay, I just keep thinking that maybe if I hadn't taken your memories then things would have worked out differently."  
  
He thought for a moment about this, when he had first found out that Kathryn had manipulated his memories of their time on New Earth he had been so angry with her. He saw their whole time on Voyager after that as a lie, and felt cheated out of fatherhood by Kathryn. But when the anger subsided and he began to think more clearly he began to realise how hard it had been on Kathryn after New Earth; she had had to return to Voyager and pretend that nothing had ever happened with her and Chakotay, and had had to make the awful decision to end her pregnancy alone.  
  
"Different, yes," he said at last with a lump in his throat, "but maybe not better." She looked at him sharply, waiting for him to explain. "If you hadn't wiped my memories I don't think I would have let you go so easily back on Voyager, and if we had have continued our relationship then I think maybe some of my marquis crew and maybe some of yours may have decided to mutiny, when Seska took over Voyager. And if we had have decided to break up, there would have always been friction between the two of us and we wouldn't have made such a good command team."  
  
Kathryn reached out and touched his face, "I don't deserve you," she said quietly.  
  
"Really!" he said with mock surprise, "because I was under the impression that I didn't deserve you; I just happened to fall in love with the most challenging, compassionate and beautiful woman I have ever met, and I am nothing more than a terrorist, a villain, an angry warrior who has long forgotten what he's angry at, and it just so happens that this most amazing woman loves me back."  
  
"I'd love to meet this woman," Kathryn laughed, "sounds like I'd like her."  
  
Chakotay folded his arms, "no, I think you'd hate her. You've met her on several occasions and all you do is fight!"  
  
"That's probably because there's two of us and just the one of you. I can't stand sharing." She stated with a quirky grin.  
  
Joking was over and Chakotay's face fell serious, she wasn't quite sure why until he leant in and brushed his lips against hers. She closed her eyes and returned the kiss, running her fingers through his hair, for the first time in a while completely contented with her life- the life that she was making with Chakotay.  
  
"Uhum," a voice sounded from behind them. Reluctantly Chakotay broke away from Kathryn and turned to see the doctor standing by the door way. "When you two have quite finished," the doctor near to scolded them.  
  
Chakotay smirking at getting caught in the act turned to Kathryn who he saw was also finding it hard to stifle laughter. But in the few moments it took for the doctor to cross the room to her bed, she had pulled her self together enough to ask for a scan of their baby.  
  
~*~  
  
San Francisco, July 7th 2379.  
  
Tad walked into the hospital ready to start his night shift. For some reason he preferred the night shift to that of the day, and so he always volunteered for it. There was just something about working late at night that appealed to him. Unlike the day, at night, in the hospital it was much more laid back, of course there were still patients that needed to be taken care of, and there were emergencies that came in late at night, but the whole atmosphere was a lot less busy.  
  
He guessed another reason that he liked working so late was probably genetic, his whole family had a habit of working late, it was just that in his case that he slept before working late. He remembered nights as a young child that he would wake up from a bad dream or would get out of bed being unable to sleep, and so would go and find his mother. More often than not she would still be awake and working well past midnight, and so he would stay up with her and assist, doing such things as fetching her mugs of coffee, or listening to her read him the report that she had just written, to check for any mistakes that she had made. At his youngest he was too small to spot any mistakes, but he would listen, and that seemed to help, so he guessed that was where he had learnt to listen.  
  
As a general rule Tad didn't dress too smartly to go to work, and usually wore civilian clothes. This was for several reasons, firstly he thought that he was too young to be worried about looking professional, he knew that he could do the job and that was all that mattered to him. Secondly, most people that came into the hospital at night were too tired to notice what he was wearing anyway, and so never commented. Thirdly, and finally, he found it much easier to get people to talk to him if he presented himself in a way that made them feel comfortable, and not like they were on trial, and they were being tested on wrong and right answers.  
  
The second set of doors to the hospital swooshed closed behind him and he turned left and down the corridor. He got to the reception desk, and dropped his rug sack from his shoulder, leaning it against a wall. "Goodnight Mel," he said to the receptionist who was talking to a young woman as he moved behind the reception desk.  
  
Mel looked across quickly at Tad, "Goodnight," she said, before quickly returning to the enquiring woman.  
  
Tad went to his pigeon whole and took out a pile of pads, and a large and heavy text book. He looked at the cover of the text book: 'Successful doctor patient communication', written by some jerk who had spent years analysing the doctor-patient relationship. On the cover of the book was a yellow post-it note reading 'I want this read by the conference in a week Tuesday'. Doing some quick sums in his head he realised that he would never be able to read it all by then.  
  
"Okay, well thank you for trying anyway," he over heard the woman say as he turned round and headed back for his rug sack.  
  
"Is there any thing I can help with?" he asked screwing up the post-it note and chucking it away into the bin, only half looking at the young woman by the desk.  
  
"I don't think so," her voice said in a matter of fact sort of way.  
  
Tad reached the other side of the reception desk, and reached for his bag, "try me," he said as he slung it back over his shoulder.  
  
"I'm looking for someone?" she said a little exhaustedly, "but it seems that they are not here so I shall leave," she tried to pick up her voice a little.  
  
Tad looked at the woman square in the face, "a patient?" he asked.  
  
"No, he is a doctor," she replied.  
  
Tad looked across at Mel who was listening intently to their conversation, at seeing him she got a little embarrassed at listening in, and turned back to her computer screen. "Are you here for a medical reason then?" he guessed.  
  
"It does not matter, I shall come back tomorrow," she turned to leave.  
  
"Nice try," Tad smiled, "this way," he nodded down the corridor and walked on expecting her to follow, uncertain of what else to do she did. Moments later they arrived at a door which he opened, holding it for her to enter, "computer lights," he instructed as she entered the office.  
  
Tad dumped his bag by the foot of the desk, and turned his computer on, sitting down himself, he indicated a seat opposite his desk for her to sit at. "Doctor Tobias Janeway," he introduced himself with a smile.  
  
The woman started a little at the name Janeway, thinking he may be a relation of the captain's but immediately excused the name, with the thought that two people unrelated could have the same Surname. "Annika Hanson," Seven introduced herself a little sceptically, as he looked a little young to be a doctor, "you're a doctor?" she asked.  
  
Tad nodded, but was a little distracted by the computer screen, "what did you say this doctor's name was?"  
  
Seven paused, "he doesn't have a name, he's an EMH, mark 1," she expected the doctor to give her a weird look at the idea that she was looking for an EMH, but he didn't.  
  
"Ah the doctor," Tad nodded to himself, "he's on some conference, won't be back for a few days," he looked up at Seven, "it's not important is it?"  
  
She didn't answer his question, "how long precisely?" she didn't mean to demand like that, but she did want to see him as soon as possible.  
  
He raised an eyebrow, before he furrowed it with his other as he looked at the computer screen, "four days, at least, sometimes these conferences can go on for some time. I can give you an address if you want," he offered.  
  
"That will be acceptable," even as she said the words she realised how harsh they sounded. She tended to do that when she was in an unfamiliar place, or with people that were unfamiliar to her, she would act very defensively, and often be unintentionally rude.  
  
However, the doctor seemed unfazed by this, "you still haven't answered my question," he met her eyes, "is there something important that you wish to discuss with him, maybe something that I may be able to help with," he offered his help.  
  
She paused, uncertain whether or not she wanted to discuss something with someone that she had never met before, he noticed her hesitation, "I don't bite," he joked, "well not for a while anyway-" when she gave him a cautious look he amended his words quickly, "sorry, bad joke, wrong audience," he smiled.  
  
"I will wait for the doctor to return," she got up from the chair, "thank you for your time," she nodded as she turned for the door.  
  
"Anytime," he shrugged as she opened the door and left his office.  
  
'Interesting' he thought to himself before picking up the text book that he had left on his desk and putting it on the book shelf. After unpacking his rug sack of pads he made his way out of the office, to scrub up for the ER ward.  
  
~*~  
  
'Geek central', Sahara desert, Africa.  
  
Although it was night in Eastern America, morning was breaking on the open plains of the Sahara. The sun span out across the horizon, and to any one that cared to look it was a beautiful sight, however, Felicity had never really cared for beautiful sights, and so couldn't care less about the sun rising. What she did care about however, was anything that moved faster than the light, and on that day it was the new shuttle she was test flying.  
  
"Have you heard a word I've been saying?" Pierce frowned, annoyed.  
  
"More than just the one," Felicity smiled, purposely trying to wind him up.  
  
Pierce continued to frown, but gave up on his disapproving look, "well, do you know what you're doing?" he asked exasperatedly.  
  
"Standing here getting a lecture," she quipped, but only to get another exasperated look, "yes, I know what I'm doing," she said at last.  
  
"I hope so," Pierce hung his shoulders, "you're our last hope," he added.  
  
"No Pierce," a voice came mysteriously from behind them, "there is another," they both turned to see Gary standing with his arms crossed, beaming at them both.  
  
"Am I missing something?" Felicity looked from Gary and back to Pierce, they were both laughing at what Gary had just said.  
  
"Star Wars," Gary grinned.  
  
"Sad," Felicity shook her head and made her way towards the shuttle, "I'll see you guys in a few days," she said.  
  
"This is a four hour mission," Pierce ran after her, worried that she was planning something drastic.  
  
"Relax Pierce," Felicity climbed up the ladder against the shuttle, "I was kidding, you've really got to learn to relax."  
  
After a few last minute panics from Pierce, the shuttle was cleared for take off, and within moments of the clearance being given the shuttle took off and disappeared into the distance.  
  
~*~  
  
End of chapter 1 


	2. Betting pool

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager belongs to Paramount Pictures.  
  
~*~  
  
Chapter 2: Betting pool  
  
Hotel, San Francisco, August 14th 2379 (I think)  
  
Chakotay entered the room, looking over at Kathryn. She was sitting on the bed going through a pile of pads, briefly she looked up at him and smiled before returning to what she was reading. "You're not still working," Chakotay sighed unbuttoning his shirt.  
  
Kathryn let out an exasperated groan and nodded, "yes," she admitted, "I should have gotten these done before we left, but I forgot about them," she shrugged, and returned to reading.  
  
"It's not like you to forget," Chakotay was now down to his underpants and looking for a T-shirt.  
  
She laughed lightly and gave him a quirky grin, "you should have seen what I was like while I was pregnant with Tad."  
  
He pulled a shirt over his head, and crawled across the bed to sit beside Kathryn, "does it get any better?" he asked placing his hand gently on her pregnant abdomen.  
  
"No, and this is only the beginning of the third trimester," she teased.  
  
He beamed widely at her, before sliding himself down the bed and lying on his side, placing his arm across her legs. "Thought any more about what I said?" he asked.  
  
She felt his warm breath in her side, but didn't put down the pad, or take her eyes from it. "No," she said distantly and he was beginning to think that she wasn't listening.  
  
"Kathryn," he said a little more firmly.  
  
"I'm listening," she said a little agitatedly.  
  
"So you haven't thought about what I said?"  
  
"No. What? Oh, yes," she let out a sharp breath and put the pad that she was reading on the table by her bed.  
  
"So?" he propped himself up on his elbow.  
  
Kathryn avoided his eyes and picked up the pile of pads on the bed, placing them also on the table. "I thought about it, and decided that it's a bad idea," she said quickly, and encryptedly.  
  
"A bad idea why?" he was quite prepared to keep this conversation going for as long as it had to.  
  
She looked down at him on the bed meeting his eyes, and gave up, this was why she had never become intimate with him on voyager; one look and he had her. "It's just that things are fine the way that they are, at the moment" she tried to explain, "can't we just keep them like that? For the time being anyway."  
  
He looked away from her and lay on his back, folding his arms across his chest, "fine," he said, mock sulking. She slapped him lightly on the shoulder, and he tilted his head back to look up at her, and studied her face. "I do love you, you know."  
  
She smiled, "I know that," then paused, "it's just that I've had so many past relationships that have ended badly after taking the relationship onto another level, and I'm a little reluctant to do that with us."  
  
He sat up, and looked at her square in the face, "I'm not Raphael," he stated, "and I'm not going to give up with you the moment that it gets tough. I'm not your first officer, and people are not going to gossip if we start living together," he paused and a quirky grin spread across his face, "and if you get lost in some quadrant, I'll give you at least two weeks before I start dating again. A month maximum. Nah, three."  
  
He was cut off by Kathryn kissing him, preventing him from digging himself into a whole. She pulled away from him, her fingers running through his hair, "that's more time than I would give you," she returned the joke, and they both laughed.  
  
"We're practically living together already," he leaned against the headboard, "and we'll probably spend more time together when the baby comes, so why not just move in together now?" he put his arm around Kathryn and kissed the top of her head.  
  
"I guess," she said slowly, "but we'd have to stay in San Francisco," she began to set boundaries, not that he minded, he was just happy she was agreeing to move in with him.  
  
They hadn't gotten back to the hotel room until very early in the morning, or very late at night (depending on how you looked at it), because the reunion dinner had gone on so late. They had spent the first hour of the evening talking to numerous admirals and captains that had been invited to attend. Chakotay didn't mind being the charming boyfriend at such events, but his mind was constantly on meeting up with the former voyager crew, and finding out what they had been up to.  
  
Eventually they had gone round the dining hall, speaking to each former Voyager member and meeting their families and friends. Kathryn had been a little wary about speaking to them, as it was the first time that she had seen many of them in a year, and she wasn't sure of what their reactions would be towards her's Chakotay's relationship. But it had gone well, they had been very pleased for the couple, and the child that they were expecting. A few of their old crew had even told them that it was about time, and they were both convinced that there had been some sort of betting pool as they had often been asked specific questions about when they had first gotten together.  
  
Chakotay had tried insisting that Kathryn sit down, and take a rest, but she was too set in the idea that she had to take time to speak to everyone. Seeing as such an event would not happen for some time, he didn't object to her staying longer than she really needed to either, but he was going to make his objections to her returning to work the next morning very clear.  
  
"Chakotay are you asleep?" Kathryn gently shook his shoulder.  
  
"Not anymore," he turned over onto his side and faced her. "Is there something wrong?" he hadn't been properly asleep but had been on the verge of dreaming, and so was a little groggy.  
  
"No," she dismissed, "I was just thinking."  
  
"Can't you think in the morning?"  
  
"Chakotay!" she exclaimed a little impatiently.  
  
"Okay, okay," he reluctantly sat up, and turned the bedside lamp on, if she wanted to talk to him at three in the morning then they might as well talk properly. "What do you want to talk about?"  
  
"I was thinking of names for the baby," said Kathryn lying on her back.  
  
"Is that it?" he frowned.  
  
"You make it sound like it's not important," she knew that he was tired and just didn't feel like talking, but she knew an accusation would wake him up properly.  
  
"I didn't mean it like that," he began to defend himself, but she smiled knowing that she had achieved waking him up. "So what names have you thought of?" he relaxed having been properly woken up.  
  
"None," he looked sharply at her, beginning to think that she had woken him up for no reason, "I thought that maybe you'd prefer it if we didn't name our child."  
  
He looked at her confused, "why wouldn't we give our child a name?" he was tired maybe he had misheard.  
  
She gave him an exasperated look, "I thought that maybe you'd prefer your tribe elder to name the baby," she suggested.  
  
Chakotay smiled, although she had very little interest in religion, or traditions, she was very supportive and tolerant when it came to other people's religions and traditions. "Have you heard some of the names he gives children?" he sniggered.  
  
"Don't say that just to please me Chakotay," she scolded, "I know how much all of these things mean to you, I want our children to be brought up with full knowledge of your traditions."  
  
"Children?" he smiled at her slip.  
  
"I'm tired," she excused herself.  
  
"Not that tired," he pointed out.  
  
Kathryn was becoming a little annoyed, "I love you Chakotay, but this is the first and last child that I'm having with you."  
  
"So who do you have in mind to father your forth child then?" he teased.  
  
She looked across at him and glared, "I'm sorry," her tone sarcastic, "I thought that you wanted to sleep in this bed."  
  
Chakotay held his palms up defensively, "okay, okay," he retreated, "just the one child then," and under his breath, but purposely loud enough for her to hear, "and the triplets."  
  
She chose to ignore him, "you're not taking me seriously!"  
  
"I am," he laughed. "Look, these things are important to me, but he does chose seriously bad names, how about we ask him to give our baby his or her second name," he suggested.  
  
Kathryn nodded, "okay," she grinned, "you can go back to sleep now."  
  
As it turned out Chakotay was awake for another few hours as Kathryn went straight back to sleep. Typical, he thought to himself, a while before he did actually fall asleep himself.  
  
~*~  
  
Even Obi shuddered as he entered the room, he was rarely afraid of anything, but this terrified him. It was an unusual feeling when being in the room with her, it was like you were no longer sure if you were alive or not, and many found that they could not handle her presence and broke down crying. Others that did not break down were usually a little depressed for some days after, and those that she touched rarely recovered.  
  
"I don't understand," Obi looked around the dark room, hoping to catch a glimpse of her, but he knew she would never let him see her, although he kept trying.  
  
"You want to?" again her voice was flat.  
  
Obi frowned still not understanding what she was on about, "yes, I want to understand," he said a little uncertainly. He found, as always, it was impossible to locate her from the direction her voice came, as there was no direction.  
  
"And you want my help?" although there was no direction, her voice came from every direction, but never raised in volume.  
  
"Yes," Obi stopped looking, the conversation was making no sense.  
  
"You know that he knows, and I know that he knows, but he doesn't know himself that he knows." Her words seemed to circle and still made no sense to him.  
  
"Who?" Obi asked, but she had left already, and so had not heard what he asked, or didn't seem to care that he had asked a question and so did not answer.  
  
Left in the dark, alone, he made his way back towards the door. He had no problem finding his way out, as he was used to the dark, he liked the dark. As he re-entered the room with enough light for those that were not used to the light's absence to see, he realised what she had said, and it all made perfect sense to him.  
  
~*~  
  
End of Chapter 2 


	3. Stone, paper, scissors

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager belongs to Paramount Pictures.  
  
Chapter 3: Stone, paper, scissors  
  
San Francisco, August 20th 2379.  
  
Kathryn opened the door to the house expecting to see unpacked boxes lined against the wall, but was pleasantly surprised to see that there weren't. She closed the door, and headed towards the kitchen. There were still unpacked boxes that lay scattered around, but she quickly noted that they had been placed near to where they needed to be unpacked. Moving over to the kettle, and filling it up she also noticed that the oven was on, obviously Chakotay was cooking something.  
  
She heard footsteps, and immediately recognised them as Chakotay's, she turned and smiled at him, before turning the freshly filled kettle on. "I missed you," Chakotay said as he moved towards Kathryn, and looped his arms around her, kissing her the top of her head.  
  
"Missed you too," she said as she brushed her lips against his, before disentangling herself from Chakotay and opening a cupboard, "would you like some coffee?" she asked as she removed a jar.  
  
Chakotay pulled a face, "how much coffee have you had already today?"  
  
"A few mugs," she tried to shake off the question.  
  
"How many's a few?" he crossed his arms and leaned against the work surface.  
  
"Less than I drank on voyager," she shrugged as she poured boiling water through the filter paper.  
  
He pulled another face, "that's not really answering my question," they weren't joking, and he had the feeling that this conversation was about to erupt into an argument.  
  
"Three, four, not that many," she still had her back to him, and purposely didn't turn round preferring to watch the black liquid pour steadily through the filter paper.  
  
"Not that many!" his voice was rising slightly, "I thought that we'd discussed this already, that you were going to try and give up coffee!"  
  
She turned round a little too sharply to be diplomatic, "I changed my mind," she said fiercely and restrained, "It's my life Chakotay, and if I want to drink coffee then I will!" She grabbed a mug and quickly poured the black liquid into it.  
  
"Did you listen to nothing that the doctor said about giving up coffee?" he asked at she grabbed her mug and made her way passed him, "Kathryn, you know that coffee isn't good for the baby!"  
  
"Fine!" she held a her hand in the air as she walked out of the kitchen, "I'll give up coffee and you can carry the baby," she left without turning round. He heard her walking up the stairs, probably to go to her office.  
  
Sighing he took a quick look at the timer on the oven, and made his way also out of the kitchen. Immediately he returned to the house's first floor, and went back to painting the room that he and Kathryn had decided the baby would have.  
  
Ten minutes into painting he heard Kathryn enter, but didn't look round, afraid to spark off another minor argument. Instead he concentrated on painting the ceiling from the ladder that he was standing on. "I'm sorry," he heard Kathryn apologise, but chose not to look round, "I didn't mean to get at you," she tried again, and this time he turned, but didn't climb down.  
  
"So are you going to give up coffee?" he asked sceptically.  
  
"I can try to drink less," she said honestly.  
  
He studied her face, trying to decide whether such a compromise would be acceptable, "how much is less?" he asked.  
  
"Two cups, three maximum," she offered, but only to get a frown, "okay, two maximum!" she gave up.  
  
Chakotay relaxed his posture, "acceptable," he grinned.  
  
"But I'm wearing one of your shirts to paint in," he heard her say as she disappeared from the door entrance, only to appear seconds later with one of his white shirts left unbuttoned over her own T-shirt.  
  
The argument was forgotten, and they began to paint the room together. Half an hour into painting they heard the bell to the front door ring, exchanging a quick glance they both rushed out of the bedroom, and down the stairs. Chakotay ran straight to the kitchen and Kathryn rushed to the front door.  
  
"Hi mum," said Tad as he stood at the door's entrance, then smelling smoke he added, "you haven't been trying to cook have you?"  
  
Kathryn laughed, "no, it's Chakotay," she stepped back from the entrance to allow her son to enter.  
  
"That poor child," Tad shook his head as he walked in, Kathryn closed the door quickly behind him, "my little brother or sister is going to grow up eating charcoal."  
  
Smiling, Kathryn rushed towards the kitchen to give Chakotay a hand, "you turned out okay," she said without turning, leaving Tad in the hall to remove his coat. But getting to the kitchen she saw that he had the situation under control.  
  
"It's okay," he said looking down at the burnt remains of potatoes on the work surface, "we'll just have to eat around the burnt bits."  
  
Tad laughed and sat himself down on the edge of the table, "what happened?" he asked.  
  
"We must not have heard the alarm," Kathryn looked down at the mess.  
  
Tad looked at both his mum and Chakotay, and saw that they were both covered in paint, and knew better than to ask. Kathryn made her way over to her son and embraced him, "Chakotay," Tad nodded towards the man as he broke away from the embrace.  
  
"Hi Tad," he said grabbing the oven tray in a tea towel and putting the charcoaled remains into the recycler.  
  
Tad put both hands on Kathryn's pregnant stomach, crouching to kiss it, staying level he said, "I hope you know what you're letting yourself in for," before returning to his usual height.  
  
"What time will your sister be here?" Kathryn asked on a slightly more serious note.  
  
"Half an hour before me, and I'm on time, so she's half an hour late," Tad shrugged, "I know she was doing a test flight last night; I spoke to her just before she left, but she hasn't called me to say that she's back, so she might still be off shore."  
  
Kathryn was getting used to this type of behaviour from her daughter, and to Tad it was second nature to turn up half an hour late to arrangements he had made with his sister, knowing that she would turn up at the same time he did, also half an hour late. "Shall we replicate?" Chakotay, broke them from their thoughts.  
  
Before Kathryn could answer, Tad broke in with a suggestion of cooking a stir fry, and after no objections, Chakotay and Tad went about preparing it. As expected, late as usual, Felicity turned up at the house. From her own perspective though, she had turned up just in time, and dinner was just being served as she entered the kitchen. She hated turning up while the food was still being prepared, because she often found that she was hauled into helping in the kitchen, or doing some menial task which she detested. Tad gave her a superficial glare as she sat her self down, knowing full well that she had turned up late to avoid cooking. Being who she was she returned the glare, but broke into a snigger after some seconds of trying to keep a straight face.  
  
It had become almost customary for the four of them to meet up at least once a week. However, Kathryn made an attempt to see her children more frequently, after not seeing her son for Seven years, and not having seen her daughter for thirteen years, she wanted to catch up on as much of their lives she had missed as was possible.  
  
Although Felicity was genetically her daughter, Kathryn never felt a mother- child bond between her and Felicity, as she did with Tad. At first she thought it was just because of the time that they had spent apart, and she assumed that they would gradually rebuild a bond. But after some time, she realised that such a prospect was near impossible, and after thinking on the matter she realised that she had never been that strong a bond between her and her daughter to start off with. Even from when she was first born, to when she thought her daughter was dead, she never strongly felt connected in the way she thought she ought to. It wasn't just Kathryn who had noticed it, Chakotay and Tad had also, but Felicity had never expected there to be a bond, and so didn't seem to care that she was treated any differently from her brother.  
  
"Can you remember when we were little," Tad looked over at Felicity, "and we used to do that like, signal thing before we ate mum's cooking?"  
  
Felicity thought for a moment, "I think so," he said putting her fork back into her plate, "is it the one where we'd do stone, paper, scissors, or something before we ate?"  
  
Tad nodded. "What's this?" Chakotay looked across at Tad, smiling, then at Kathryn, who just gave him a confused expression.  
  
"Well," Tad turned to Chakotay, "we used to do this thing right, where we'd do stone, paper, scissors to decide who would eat mum's cooking first. Obviously loser went first," he added with a cheeky grin, "and then the one testing the food would give a signalled report on how good the food was." Tad pulled an earlobe, "this meant it's edible," he explained the action, "a cough meant one of us would cause a distraction while the other fed it to the dog, and then putting your hands together meant: prey because the dog's not going to eat it."  
  
The table laughed, "my cooking wasn't that bad," Kathryn protested.  
  
Tad looked away and coughed, as if to say that he disagreed, which just made then all crack up again. "Fortunately for you I didn't cook that often," she admitted her own failure.  
  
Putting an arm around Kathryn's shoulders, Tad looked across at Chakotay, "that's why I always volunteered to cook," he explained.  
  
Chakotay had always thought that if Kathryn ever had a daughter, then her daughter would be a lot like her. Although, in some ways Chakotay realised that Felicity was a lot like Kathryn, she was also very different. Physically, it was obvious that they were related, although Felicity was blond with dark brown eyes similar to her brother's, her figure was petit as was Kathryn's, and they both also shared distinctive widow's peaks at the front of their hairline's, to name but a few of their similar, physical characteristics.  
  
Personality wise they were very different; Kathryn was always prompt and organised, whereas Felicity, was always late and slobby. Kathryn was compassionate, and empathetic, Felicity was the sort of person who would watch war films and comment on how it should have been done, and how unrealistic the torture was. However, there were characteristics that they did share, such as caffeine addiction, and love of science (although Felicity preferred practical science, and Kathryn preferred theory), also they both had a habit of fiddling while thinking, or planning.  
  
"So when are you guys getting married?" Felicity stuck her foot in it, between mouthfuls of stir fry.  
  
Kathryn and Chakotay exchanged a glance, searching each other for the correct answer. Tad, as always more sensitive to what other people thought, noticed their pause, "oh well done Flic," he said, giving his sister a look which told her that she shouldn't have asked the question, "now you've gone and got them started."  
  
"I'm just asking what everyone else is thinking of asking," she pointed out.  
  
"Who's everyone else?" Kathryn asked. They had all finished eating, except for Felicity who was still eating. That was another thing, Chakotay thought to himself, that Kathryn and her daughter differed on; Kathryn would eat only when she had to, whereas Felicity would eat when she could.  
  
"Well, I think it was like, um, three days ago, I attended a lecture given by Sebastian Ockleford," she paused when the name she had mentioned received blank faces, "the first person ever to fly the DV749," again more blank faces, she decided to continue anyway. "So, there was a guy there, Tom Paris I think, from voyager, he was there with Harry Kim, and I overheard them talking. They were talking about some betting pool, I don't know, and apparently because no one knows when the two of you first got together, the person to win the bet, will be the one with the closest date to when the two of you decide to get married."  
  
"A betting pool!" Tad sniggered, "was the delta quadrant really that boring?"  
  
"Life is that boring," Felicity tried to ignore him, "so, I was thinking, maybe you could tell me first the date you are planning to get married, and I can enter the betting pool and win."  
  
"I knew they were up to something," Kathryn said what Chakotay was thinking, and already plans were going through both of their minds on how they could confuse their former crew.  
  
"So?" Felicity had finished with her plate.  
  
Chakotay looked over at her, "if ever, then we probably won't get married until after the baby is born."  
  
Kathryn nodded, "and I don't think you could enter anyway honey, you're not a member of the crew."  
  
At this she rolled her eyes, "as if I hadn't already thought around that slight technical detail, where ever there's a rule, there's someone willing to take bribes," she quite openly lay out the perspective she had on life the universe and everything.  
  
"I'm not even going to ask this time," Tad got up from the table with his plate and put it by the sink.  
  
"This time?" Kathryn questioned.  
  
Felicity shrugged, "ignore him, he's known me for too long. So, I need dates!"  
  
~*~  
  
End of chapter 3 


	4. Past experience

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager belongs to Paramount Pictures.  
  
Author's note: Thanks to every one who has reviewed so far, sorry this chapter has taken longer to post than I thought it would, it's not that it wasn't written it's just that I really couldn't be arsed to put it up, but here it is, at last.  
  
I should be putting up chapter five some time during the week, and six maybe next weekend, but I have mock exams for the next two weeks, which means either I'll be revising most of the time, or getting fed up with revising and going on the net- time will tell.  
  
I'm not to sure about this chapter, it's one of about three I'm not happy with, I'm not sure if they're totally in character (if they ever are), but I think they're more out of character than usual- however this could just be me aiming to achieve writing perfection (god! I'm starting to sound like Seven, I'll shut up now before I turn into her!) Enjoy!  
  
Chapter 4: Past experience  
  
Obi watched as they took another body from the room. Although they were well trained, they couldn't help but shiver at the atmosphere inside the room. They were always reluctant to enter, and eager to leave, and Obi couldn't help but admit that at times he felt like that also. He felt like that now, as if there was nothing better in the universe than leaving the room, but he knew leaving would anger her, and he didn't want to anger, he would rather die than that.  
  
The door closed with a muffled slam, and Obi looked back into the darkness, "are you sure that all of this is necessary?" he asked, "that was the ninth one, and there aren't that many available that meet the specifications that you have given us."  
  
Although he couldn't see it, he could feel that she hard turned round sharply and was now staring at him, her eyes piercing his soul. "There are other ways," she admitted, "but this way will be easiest."  
  
He didn't want to argue with her, and thought it best to just do as she said. "You're regretting asking me for help aren't you?" she broke the silence. At the truth of her words he froze, but thought it best not to say anything. She chuckled gently, "good," he felt her presence move away from him.  
  
"How's that good?" he said at last, finding his voice, and some of his confidence.  
  
"I'd hate to think that people appreciated my help," she said in what could only be called a light hearted manner.  
  
Thinking it best not to ask any further questions, he didn't.  
  
~*~  
  
San Francisco, August 23rd 2379.  
  
Kathryn lifted her glass of wine to her lips and took a sip, then looked curiously across at Chakotay who sat opposite her, playing with the food on his plate. "Are you okay?" he looked up from his plate, "you've been quiet all evening."  
  
He shrugged, "it's nothing," he smiled weakly, "I was just thinking."  
  
"Thinking about what?" she asked, reaching across the table and placing her hand on his. He responded by linking his fingers with hers.  
  
He looked up and met her gaze, noticing the determined and yet concerned look on her face, he realised that she wasn't going to give up on the topic very easily. He sighed, this was one of a few occasions where he was finding it hard to predict her reaction, so he thought it best just to come out and say it. "I received a letter the other day, from a professor at Cambridge University in London, he has invited me on a excavation in Egypt."  
  
Kathryn smiled, "that's great," she said, "I hope you have accepted his offer."  
  
Chakotay's face stayed sombre, "I haven't told him anything yet," Chakotay admitted, "but I was going to tell him no, I don't think it's fair to leave you to deal with this pregnancy alone."  
  
Kathryn pulled a face, "Egypt isn't that far away," she pointed out, "it's not like it's two weeks travel away, and in an area where I won't be able to communicate with you. I think that you should accept his offer."  
  
He still wasn't convinced, although he could see that Kathryn was, "yes, but it's still about two hours travel the civilian way, and because of the time difference I'll be working while you're sleeping and you'll be working while I'm sleeping, we'd never be able to make time for each other."  
  
"Well how long is it for?" she asked.  
  
"Six months, but it may be longer, it depends on how long they're allowed to excavate for."  
  
"Well I should be on maternity leave for about two months of that, so you're not going to miss out on waking up at two in the morning ever night to see to a crying baby."  
  
"Every night?!" Chakotay repeated with a smile.  
  
"If we're lucky, just the once or twice a night," she smiled, "so when do you leave," she added knowing that she had won.  
  
In part relief and part excitement of the prospect of the excavation he smiled broadly, "I think the professor said that the dig would start in about four days, but are you sure you don't mind?"  
  
She dropped her shoulders, in disbelief that he was still having doubts about going, "of course I don't mind, not that I'm trying to get you out the house or anything, but I think I would mind if you decided to stay."  
  
He laughed, "okay," he put his hands up defensively, "you've won, as usual," he added.  
  
Kathryn grinned at the truth of the matter. Just before Chakotay returned to his meal, he looked up sharply realising something, "did you say you were only taking two months maternity leave?" he asked cautiously.  
  
Immediately Kathryn dropped her eyes to avert his gaze, "I think so," she tried to be evasive.  
  
"The doctor said that you would need more like five months," he stared at her, hoping to catch her eye.  
  
She had to think for a while, how she was going to get out of this argument, "I think that five months is too long a time, about two of those months are supposed to be the last two of the pregnancy and I'm planning on working up until the last few weeks maybe even days if I can. And besides, there are good day care centres in the city, so there's no reason for me to prolong returning to work.  
  
He raised an eyebrow at all of this, it was news to him, and he wasn't happy about what he was hearing. "I didn't know that we were planning on sending our child to a day care centre," he started, "or that you were planning on working your self to an early labour!"  
  
Kathryn sighed, she should have discussed these things with him first, but she was so used to making decisions on her own that it had almost become second nature to her. "I'm sorry," she met his gaze at last, "but you know how important my work is to me."  
  
"Sometimes I think it's too important to you," Chakotay spoke his mind.  
  
She wanted to glare at him, wanted to be angry at the remark he had just made, but she found that she couldn't, and when asking herself why remembered Tad saying it to her before she left on the mission to the badlands over eight years before. And she felt then as she did now, sad and disappointed with herself for not getting her priorities right. "You're much more important to me Chakotay than Star Fleet," she said softly, but with a fierceness behind the words that told him that she was determined not to let him think otherwise.  
  
"Then take extra time off," he said soothingly, "I don't want our child to be raised by strangers, I want us to be a family not a group of people that live in the same house. If you miss out on this window to bond with our child then you may not have as good a chance to do so later on."  
  
"Chakotay I hardly think that an extra few weeks will make much difference," she was losing the decision that she had made, and made a final attempt to put down the idea of taking extra time than she needed.  
  
"What's this really about?" he asked, sensing something deeper, and half an idea what it was. She averted his eyes again, and he made a fairly good guess, "this is about Felicity," his guess was right when he noticed her flinch at the suggestion. "You want to spend the minimal amount of time with our baby because you're worried that it will stir bad memories of you raising Felicity almost by yourself!"  
  
"You're wrong," she said quietly, knowing that he was right, "this has nothing to do with past experience."  
  
"It has everything to do with it!" he insisted, "Tad told me. After Justin died you took almost a year out of Star Fleet, Felicity must have been about six moths old when you returned."  
  
A tear appeared in Kathryn's eye at this, she hadn't realised that he knew. Seeing that she was upset about this, he got up from his chair and made his way over to her, crouching beside her and putting an arm across the head of her chair. "You can tell me anything," he said soothingly.  
  
She looked down at him, and a faint smile appeared on her lips knowing the truth to his words. Swallowing hard she nodded, "after Justin died I didn't really think much about my pregnancy, I knew I was pregnant, but I didn't really take it on board, it just didn't seem real. And then it all came as a shock when Felicity was suddenly born. She scared me, when I saw her I didn't see Justin inside her I just kept remembering the shuttle accident and losing Justin and my father. I couldn't return to work because I no longer saw the point to it, and so I was constantly there, at home with Felicity, a constant reminder of what had happened."  
  
"And you're worried that if you spend too much time with our baby then you'll come to feel the same way?" he tucked some loose strands of hair behind her ear and kissed her neck before returning to her gaze, watching a stubborn tear run down her cheek. "Did you feel that way about Tad?"  
  
She shook her head, "no, it was different with Tad," she saw the look he was giving her and smiled despite her self, "and it'll be different with our baby."  
  
He nodded, "I think maybe you had post natal depression after you had Felicity, which contributed to your negative feelings, and for some reason it was never picked up on. We'll check and make sure that you don't have it again after this little one is born, but until then, if you insist on working, I want you to cut back on the hours that you're doing."  
  
"Yes sir," she smiled, "you'd better send that reply to the professor, four days isn't a lot of time to prepare."  
  
"After seven years in the delta quadrant of being given mere minutes notice to an attack- four days in an eternity," Chakotay joked lightly.  
  
~*~  
  
End of chapter 4 


	5. Giggamoose

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager belongs to Paramount Pictures.  
  
Authors note: Yes I know she's not supposed to drink wine- so we'll just say it was synthohol (or however you say it).  
  
~*~  
  
Chapter 5 : Gigga-moose  
  
San Francisco, September 16th 2379.  
  
Slowly Kathryn opened her eyes, the room was not brightly lit, but it was not dark. She turned her head and could make out a lamp emitting a cosy amount of light. Quickly her eyes began to focus, and looking to her other side she saw Chakotay sleeping awkwardly in a chair. Seeing him she smiled, but was still unsure of where she was. Suddenly it all came back to her, and she remembered that she was in hospital.  
  
As if Chakotay could sense that Kathryn had just woken, he broke himself from sleep and lifted his head from the hand he had rested it in. Forgetting his own stiffness at having slept in such an uncomfortable position he smiled at Kathryn, who returned the smile. Heavily he got himself up, out of the chair and made his way over to her bedside. "How are you?" he asked attentively as he sat himself down on the edge of her bed, reaching for her hand and entwining his fingers with hers.  
  
"Never again," she joked huskily. Her expression changed quickly to that of worry and she looked up at Chakotay, "how's the baby?" she asked.  
  
"The doctor says that he's perfectly healthy," he reassured her, "but they took him into the nursery so he wouldn't disturb you."  
  
She nodded, "have you seen your son?"  
  
Chakotay couldn't help hide his smile, "yes," he admitted, "I went into the nursery while you were sleeping. He's beautiful."  
  
Although they had taken her baby into the nursery to allow her to sleep, Kathryn wished that they hadn't, she felt as if she was missing something without him being there. Chakotay broke her from her thoughts, "I'm sorry I couldn't be there," he apologised.  
  
She shrugged away the apology, "no one could have known that I would have gone into labour so early. Besides, I had Tad and Phoebe."  
  
Chakotay had been away on an archaeology dig in Egypt, when he had returned home to his small apartment he received a call saying that Kathryn had gone into labour, immediately he had returned to San Francisco only to find that he had missed the birth and that he was the father to a 'healthy baby boy'. "I still wanted to be here for you though," he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it.  
  
It was at that moment when the door chose to open, they both looked round to see Tad standing in the door way, with a bouquet of flowers. "I'm not interrupting anything am I?" he stayed at the entrance, not wanting to intrude.  
  
"Yes, but I think the intrusion can be forgiven if those flowers are for me," Kathryn sat up a little painfully in her bed, and leant against the headboard.  
  
"Well, they're not for Chakotay," Tad smiled as he made his way over to the bed, placing the flowers in an empty vase by her bedside before leaning over to embrace his mother. Next he faced Chakotay and shook hands. "So, thought of any names yet?" Tad said as he walked over to the corner and grabbed a chair.  
  
"No. Where's your sister?" Kathryn watched as he carried the chair over to her beside and sat himself down.  
  
At the question he flinched slightly, but covered it up, "she'll be here when she can," he explained.  
  
He didn't get away from it that quickly though, Kathryn had seen the flinch in his face when she had asked the question, and so chose to pursue the matter. "Where is she?"  
  
Again, Tad looked a little uncomfortable, he wasn't very good at lying, especially to one of the few people that knew him inside out. "Here, there, everywhere," Tad shrugged, "you know what young people are like these days."  
  
"No I don't!" Kathryn was getting a little frustrated, "but I'm sure you're still young enough to tell me!"  
  
Tad looked cautiously at Chakotay, hoping for some kind of distraction or support, but Chakotay was just as clueless as Kathryn, and so didn't pick up on the thought that Tad didn't want to speak about it. "I think that she might be off shore at the moment," he gave in.  
  
"Off shore," Kathryn repeated, "a test flight?" He didn't even have to answer, she could tell just by looking at his face that she was right, then a thought struck her, "what's so different about this test flight that you're not telling me about?"  
  
Shit! Thought Tad, why did he have to be so transparent. "Mum, I'm sure it's nothing to worry about, some of the engineers that designed the shuttle she's testing are a little worried that she hasn't checked in on time. But she probably just got sidetracked during the flight and is on some planet getting pissed," Kathryn looked at her son with a disbelieving look on her face, "really mum, I'm not worried, you shouldn't be either, she'll be back in a day or so."  
  
Kathryn nodded, although she wasn't totally convinced. "So names," Tad interrupted, "I was thinking maybe Gigga-moose," they both looked at him in a little disbelief, not quite sure that they had heard correctly. "Okay, maybe not," he laughed out loud.  
  
Momentarily forgetting her own concern for her daughter a smile escaped her lips.  
  
~*~  
  
(A few days later)  
  
Aaron Dyami Janeway as Chakotay's and Kathryn's son was later to be named, had been born four weeks earlier than expected. After some discussion (shouting) between the doctors and Kathryn, it was agreed (ordered) that Aaron should be allowed to stay in the same room as Kathryn for the duration of her stay in the hospital.  
  
Any one who knew how quickly gossip spread on voyager would have guessed that it would have spread a lot more slowly now that the crew had dispersed, but they would have been surprised at the sheer velocity that the news of Kathryn's birth spread. After a respectable day was left for Kathryn and Chakotay to settle with their new born baby, the couple were inundated with visitors and messages from their former crew.  
  
Chakotay slouched back in his chair and let out an exasperated gasp, "give me a screaming baby any day, but please, no more visitors!"  
  
Kathryn laughed, "how many's that today? Twenty? Thirty?" she guessed at how many visitors they had already had.  
  
"Thirty four," he said looking up at the ceiling and then lowering his head to face Kathryn who was sitting cross legged at the head of her bed, wearing brown corded trousers and a cream long sleeve shirt. "We've had about twenty calls from people that can't come for various reasons, and I'm guessing there will be about the same number recorded when I get back home. Minus ten people that probably haven't heard, or couldn't care less, I think we may have another seventy visitors and messages at least."  
  
This time Kathryn cocked her head back, "it was easier fighting the Borg," she commented. Speak of the devil the door to her room opened and Icheb, Seven and Harry all walked in. As always, no matter how tired she was, Kathryn was accommodating and smiled at them all as they entered.  
  
From the corner she heard Chakotay mumble, "Thirty five, thirty six, thirty seven."  
  
Kathryn smirked and gave Chakotay a glare that basically translated as: 'although that was slightly amusing, I am trying to keep serious here, so please don't do that again.' To this Chakotay just smiled at her amusement.  
  
~*~  
  
(About twenty minutes later)  
  
The room looked round as the door opened, Kathryn was the last to look up because the baby had begun screaming and she was trying to calm him down. "Hi Alex," she smiled when she saw her old friend standing in the door way. "Everyone this is an old friend of mind Alex Kemp, Alex this is Seven, Harry and Icheb." Aaron's screaming settled a little, but he was still red in the face.  
  
Alex smiled, but his smile quickly faded. He looked across at Kathryn, "I was hoping to have a word with you," he said, "but if you're busy I can come back tomorrow."  
  
Chakotay's heart sank for a moment, Alex had probably come to tell Kathryn about a situation at work that had arisen during her absence, and the first thing he knew Kathryn would want to do would to return to work. "It's okay," Kathryn crossed to room to where Chakotay was sitting, instinctively he stood, and a quick switch was made with Aaron, "we can talk now."  
  
Reluctantly Kathryn headed for the door of the room, giving Aaron and Chakotay a last look before she left. The moment she was gone however Aaron decided that another screaming session was in order, Chakotay shot the others an apologetic look and paced the room with him. "It's a shame you didn't visit earlier in the day," he smiled, "he was asleep then."  
  
"We could leave if you would prefer," Icheb offered ready to stand.  
  
Chakotay shook his head, "no it's okay, I was only joking," although his smile was genuine, he did think that he and Kathryn could only benefit from some time alone with their son, without the constant interruptions from visitors.  
  
"So have you and Kathryn decided who's going to do the good parent, bad parent routine?" Harry asked with a grin, "like who's going to be the strictest?"  
  
"Definitely Kathryn," Chakotay laughed, "she's done it all before, and is much scarier than me when she wants to be."  
  
Harry laughed, and a smiled made it's way across Seven's face also. "I thought that Aaron was both yours and Kathryn's first child." Icheb picked up on Chakotay's slip.  
  
Chakotay quickly noticing his slip, having momentarily forgotten that Seven, Harry and Icheb did not know of Felicity and Tad. "He is," this was the first time that Chakotay had ever had to lie out right that Kathryn did not have any other children, and he was hating every moment of it, "I meant on Voyager," he easily explained what Icheb had correctly picked up on as an error in his interpretation of what had been said.  
  
Aaron was still screaming, Kathryn had said that if he thought that it was loud now then he would have a shock when Aaron became loud enough to hear from the other end of the house without a baby monitor. Chakotay had laughed at that, but had stopped abruptly when he saw that Kathryn wasn't joking. The door opened again, but Chakotay didn't look round like the other three did as he was searching for a towel, thinking that maybe Aaron had some trapped wind, ruling out all other possibilities.  
  
"I thought that you had twins for a moment there, and then I remembered, that yes there had been occasions in history when a child had been born that could make such a devastatingly loud noise without aid of a microphone, an amplifier and stacks of cabs." Chakotay looked round to see Tad standing in the doorway, "want a hand?" he asked.  
  
Chakotay nodded, "if you think that you can do any better," he challenged.  
  
Accepting the challenge he crossed the room, where he took the baby from Chakotay's arms, and rocked him gently. "Is Kathryn around, or did they realise that there were twins after all and she's giving birth again?"  
  
There was laughter from the room, and Tad beamed slightly, and his grin widened when Aaron's crying ebbed. "You're a genius!" Chakotay looked over to see Tad holding the baby effortlessly.  
  
"I've been told not to allow people to boost my ego, apparently I'm arrogant as it is. Hi Seven," he turned to the young woman sitting in the chair and beamed at her.  
  
She returned the smile, but not as fully as she was trying to figure out Tad's relationship to Chakotay. But she was trying to figure out the wrong relationship, and realised this when he turned to Chakotay and again asked, "so where's Kathryn?" It was at that moment when something slowly began to click.  
  
"She's talking to Alex," Chakotay sat on the edge of the bed, "Tad, this is Harry and Icheb and you seem to already know Seven," he raised an eyebrow, but Tad didn't give anything away with his expression neutral, "everyone, if you haven't already guessed by now this is Tad."  
  
"How do the two of you know each other?" Seven asked Tad more so than Chakotay.  
  
Tad pulled a face, the first indication that he hadn't planned on Seven being in the room when he entered, and a sudden desire to leave the room overcame him. "Through Kathryn," he brushed the question to one side, no doubt he would later be given the third degree, but he quickly decided that leaving the room quickly would buy him more time to think of an excuse as to how he knew Kathryn, and he needed a better reason than mere coincidence as to why they both shared the same surname.  
  
Loosening Aaron in his arms slightly, Tad indicated that he was going to return the baby to his father's arms. Chakotay realised this and held out to receive his son back. The moment that Aaron was free of Tad's grasp though he started to cry again, "comes with practice I guess," Tad reassured Chakotay, before leaving the room, looking quickly over at Seven to see that he definitely would get the third degree later on, she just had that questioning look on her face.  
  
Seven and Icheb didn't stay for that long after Tad had left the room. Icheb gave the excuse that he had to meet up with some friends, and didn't want to keep them waiting, although this was true, Seven's excuse that she had a lot of work to do and had to be going wasn't entirely truthful. Although she did have much work to do, there was nothing that couldn't wait a day or two, the truth was, was that she was finding it hard to enjoy the company of her former crew mates after Tad had left, as her concentration was on why he had been there in the first place.  
  
On the way down the corridor, just as Seven turned left to go down the corridor, she spotted something out of the corner of her eye. She turned her head right in the opposite direction of the corridor to see Tad holding Kathryn in a comforting embrace. She saw the man that had been introduced as Alex Kemp standing close by, "excuse me," a nurse said, Seven stepped automatically to the side just as she realised that she was standing in the way. Quickly pulling herself back from her curious stare, she headed back down the corridor to where she had originally intended to go, catching up quickly with Icheb, who had not noticed their former Captain on his way out only seconds ahead of her.  
  
~*~  
  
End of chapter 5  
  
Thanks for reading (I know it's late I forgot, but happy new year, I reckon that I can get away with saying belated happy new years for about another week before my friends that I haven't wished it to send me 'un-happy new year' messages, if they even exist!)  
  
Live long and prosper! 


	6. Memorial

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager belongs to Paramount Pictures.  
  
Chapter 6: Memorial  
  
Bristol, England, October 20th 2379.  
  
Chakotay stood back, holding Aaron steadily in his arms, the small baby squirmed slightly, and fearing another bout of crying he rocked his arms gently. It worked and Aaron's eyes slowly closed as he returned to sleep. It was getting too much for Kathryn, he could see it with every weary movement she made, the guilt, anxiety, grief and feeling of helplessness all weighing her down.  
  
Guilt for many reasons; she felt that she had never made enough time for her daughter, had not gotten to know her as well as she could have, and all of the events she had missed, and would miss. Guilt also because she knew that the time she was spending dealing with this low in her life, she should be happy because of the new life that she had brought into existence. He knew that Kathryn expected to be able to do everything all at once, to appear calm and in control at all times, and when she felt that she was losing grip of a situation she became frustrated. Like she was now.  
  
Grief because she had been told that her daughter was missing, again, and presumed dead, again. He could see that old ghosts were returning to haunt her once again, and there was nothing he could do other than to be there for her, and try to comfort her. And then there was the prospect that Felicity might not be dead, and may return any day, apologising as usual for her tardiness. This lead to the feeling of helplessness, there was nothing that Kathryn could do but to wait and hope for good news that may never come.  
  
Finally anxiety. Felicity's disappearance may have been more than just an accident. There was the chance that some one had figured out the connection between Felicity and Kathryn, and so her shuttle may have been captured and she may have been taken hostage. Or an explosive device could have been planted on the shuttle, and during the test flight her shuttle could have been destroyed. The only problem with proving or disproving such a theory was that shuttle remains had to be found, and they had been told that her flight plan covered so much space it would take years to check her entire course.  
  
Kathryn walked back in Chakotay's direction after having left a rose at the front of the service. There were to be no speeches from family members as intelligence didn't think that it would be wise. Intelligence had also become very picky on who was allowed to attend the memorial service, at first they had told Kathryn that she wasn't allowed to attend, but after an exchange of words, mostly consisting of threats, it was agreed that she should be allowed to go. Tad had also been allowed to attend, and Chakotay had seen Raphael lurking around somewhere, but that was about the extent of the family that was permitted to attend.  
  
Tad had an arm placed comfortingly across Kathryn's shoulders, and although he was smartly dressed in black, Chakotay could understand the wreck that his mind was in, after all Chakotay had lost almost his entire family, if anyone should understand what he was going through, it should be him. As Kathryn came closer to Chakotay she broke away from Tad and made her way to Chakotay. Juggling Aaron in one arm, he put his other arm around Kathryn. "I don't think I can handle going back to the family house for a second service," she said quietly.  
  
He nodded, and looked briefly across at Tad, who was standing solemnly by. "Do you want to stay to the end of this service?" he asked, gently caressing her upper arm.  
  
She shook her head, then looked across at Tad, "are you staying, or do you want to come back home with me and Chakotay?"  
  
He was silent a moment, and looked down at the ground in thought, slowly he looked back up, "I want to stay," he said at last, "but I don't want you to leave me, I'm scared something will happen if you leave me."  
  
Kathryn's heart skipped a beat when she suddenly realised how much pain he was in, she closed the distance between them, "Toby, nothing bad is going to happen if I leave you," she said confidently.  
  
He looked at her, far from convinced, "you said you were coming back in two weeks, but you took almost two hundred times that amount of time, why should I believe you now?"  
  
She looked at him, fighting back tears, and saw a tear appear in his eye also, but unlike her he didn't hold it back, and allowed it to fall down his cheek. Kathryn lifted her hand and placed it delicately on his cheek, wiping away the tear with her thumb, "will you be coming back to the house with me and Chakotay?"  
  
He shook his head, "will I see you in Indiana at the family house?" he asked, his voice strong, but on the verge of trembling violently.  
  
She shook her head, and backed away from him, "no, but I'll see you later, I promise."  
  
Tad crossed his arms as a sharp gust of wind caught him off guard. He seemed to look through Kathryn at the bare trees behind her, and then he looked up at the clear blue sky. "Looks like rain," he said to no one in particular, then he turned away from Kathryn and Chakotay, "I hate it when it's wet, it reminds me of-" but he didn't finish his sentence, and Kathryn watched painfully as he made his way over to a seat and sat down.  
  
She felt a hand come down gently on her shoulder, and she turned to see Chakotay standing behind her, she looked down at the baby sleeping in his arms, and smiled slightly through the pain and irony that as soon as she had lost one child, she gave birth to another.  
  
~*~  
  
San Francisco, later that day (or slightly earlier because of the time difference).  
  
Kathryn and Chakotay returned to their house in San Francisco. Kathryn often joked about her rank having its privileges, and from what Chakotay could see it really did. They had been allocated a very spacious house in San Francisco, and what it lacked in garden it made up for in character and style. Chakotay had also found it very easy to find a house in Egypt, he had initially thought that he would only be able to find a small flat, but when word got out that his partner was an Admiral, and Admiral Janeway at that, he had been flooded with offers of available houses.  
  
The house that he had chosen in the end, was not the largest or the most luxurious that he could find, neither was it in the most desirable of locations, but it was large enough for himself, Kathryn and their small baby to live comfortably for however long they chose to stay in the location. The advantages he found of not living in the capital, or in any large near by cities was that the atmosphere in the small town that he had chosen, was much more friendly and humble, much unlike the city.  
  
"Thank you for coming with me today," Kathryn said as she sat down on the sofa, beside Chakotay.  
  
He nodded, "it's something that no parent should have to go through," he said quietly, "especially not twice with the same child."  
  
Kathryn was a moment in what she said next, "I would rather go through it a thousand times, and have my daughter back in-between, than only to go through it once and never see her again for a second chance."  
  
"Do you think that she could still be alive?" he asked noticing that Aaron had gone to sleep.  
  
She was silent again, "I think that's what every parent would like to believe when told that their child is dead, and I think that's what I want to believe; that she is still alive. After all, it is a family trait now," she mused. Chakotay could feel a but, "but, there's a part of me that thinks that she really is dead, and because I don't know which part to go with, I can't put the matter to rest in one way or another."  
  
Chakotay leant over and kissed her forehead, "for what it's worth," he said as he stood, "I don't think anyone really leaves us, they just disappear, one way or another, that's all that happens." He took a few steps towards the door, "I'm just going to put Aaron to bed," he said before he left the room, leaving Kathryn to think about what he had said.  
  
When she thought about it, it did make sense; it didn't really matter whether Felicity was alive or dead, the fact was that she was not there. If she was still alive then there was the chance that she would come home one day, and if she was dead then she wouldn't ever come home. The situation was suddenly much more clearer to Kathryn, and all she could see that she had to deal with was the idea that Felicity was not there, not the conflicting thoughts that she might or might not be alive.  
  
Minutes later when Chakotay returned to the living room he saw that Kathryn was in tears, and thought that maybe giving her that idea at such an early stage in her grieving process was maybe not the best of ideas. He made his way over to her, and sitting down beside her, encircled his arms around her. She responded by relaxing slightly in his arms and nestling into the warmth of his embrace. They didn't say anything, as nothing needed to be said, Chakotay just held her, and for some minutes it was as if Kathryn had no worries or grief as she could almost feel him taking them from her, and holding them back until she was ready to deal with them.  
  
Kathryn broke slightly away from him, and looked up into his strong and compassionate face, with her own tear stained face, and the shadow of a smile appeared on her face as she traced the lines of Chakotay's tattoo with her finger. Eventually she rested her palm on his cheek. Chakotay took her hand in his own, bringing it to his lips and kissing it. "I love you Kathryn," he said as she rested her hand on his shoulder.  
  
"I know," she said quietly, and then looked away from him slightly, "and I love you too, even if sometimes I don't seem to, or if I say or do something which makes you think otherwise, I love you Chakotay, probably more than you can imagine."  
  
"I think I can just about imagine, if I come down to your level," he joked with a slight smile.  
  
Sharply she spun her head round and putting on a mock serious face, "Commander, I hope that you aren't insinuating that you love me more than I love you, because I would have to point out that you are seriously mislead in such an assumption."  
  
Chakotay laughed lightly, "I'm sorry Captain, but the fact is that I love you an immeasurable amount times more than you love me, and if I'm mislead then it is only by the intoxication of my love for you."  
  
Kathryn laughed also at this, "okay, let's make a deal, we love each other equally."  
  
He smiled, "okay, that's what we'll say officially, but unofficially I still do love you more."  
  
His arrogance amused her still further, but the quirky grin on her face faded slightly with a flicker, and then faded completely from her face. She looked up at him, locking her eyes with his, he was unsure of what was happening, and looked at her with a little uncertainty. He felt the hand that had been on his shoulder make it's way across his chest, eventually reaching the top button of his shirt, which she skilfully undid with a swift and intricate movement with her fingers. "Prove it." Her voice was quiet and seductive, sending a shiver down his spine.  
  
She made it very tempting for him to lose himself to her, and in some ways he already had, although what he gave to her, she returned in full, so he hadn't really lost anything. But he realised that it was the wrong time, she was still very grief ridden, and he was scared that putting her in a position where both their emotions would be laid out so openly would do more bad than good. Although he realised this, the problem was getting Kathryn to realise this also, and sitting on the sofa so close to her was not going to help. Gently he pulled away from her and stood up, giving them both some distance.  
  
Kathryn watched, shocked, "what's wrong?" she asked, with a thousand answers coming to her mind at once.  
  
He looked away from her, "I just don't think that we should," although he couldn't bare to see the disappointment in her face, he knew that not facing her was the worst thing that he could do, and so he looked back round at her, "well, not right now." He could see that she still didn't understand, "Kathryn, it wouldn't be right, not with everything that has just happened still scattered about everywhere, with your emotions all over the place."  
  
"I think that if anyone is going to decide what I'm emotionally capable and not capable of Chakotay then it's me!" she was angry, and didn't quite realise that her anger was just proving his point, that she was emotionally unstable, although he hadn't quite put it like that. "You just said that you loved me, so why won't you prove it?"  
  
He crossed his arms, "I am proving it," he stated firmly.  
  
Standing, he could see all of her muscles tense, ready for a fight. "You're not making any sense Chakotay, if anyone's emotionally unstable at the moment it's you!"  
  
He sensed that this was probably going to turn into a fight, (if it wasn't that already,) and he knew that she wasn't ready for that either, and so he crossed the room and made his way over towards the door. Before he left he turned to her, "and Kathryn, if anyone is in any position to realise what you are and are not emotionally capable of right now, it's not you because if you were capable of realising, then you would understand that what I'm doing is right." Not wanting to give her a chance to respond, he left the room.  
  
~*~  
  
End of Chapter 6 


	7. Subject 923

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager belongs to Paramount Pictures.  
  
Chapter 7: Subject 923  
  
New York, October 31st 2379.  
  
Intelligence was full of white walls, it's intention was to reveal truth, but in reality its purpose was to conceal the truth, to obtain absolute knowledge and not share it. It was the purpose of every intelligence organisation, whether it was of Romulan, Vulcan or of Star Fleet origin, it was just the way that things were. White for Star Fleet was purity, the ships were not pure and so they were grey, the fighters were far from pure and so they were black, it was just the way things were, and how they would probably always be.  
  
But beneath the white walls that symbolised purity was this feeling that things were not as they appeared. You got the distinct impression that no one in the entire group had any idea about anything, and the entire structure of the organisation was based on one person sitting in a little room thinking to him or herself what they could make the elite do next. The elite of course were the field agents, and the agents that spent their entire lives in offices.  
  
Intelligence was not a job, it was a way of life. You lived and breathed it, and it wasn't just you that was affected, your entire family and all of your friends were affected. Even if they did not know it. At any one time, some biped working at some computer could recite the exact position and the exact activity that any one member of any agents family was doing. It was like big brother overload. The intention of this was not exactly clear to many agents, which goes back to the idea that the decisions of the organisation were made by one person that was just having a laugh at other's expenses.  
  
Kathryn walked down the corridors, as she had on so many occasions, and with so many different purposes. On many instances that she could remember she had been called to interrogate a prisoner. Kathryn had a natural skill at knowing when some one was not being totally truthful with her, although this often helped with interrogations, it in some ways hindered her personal life. For example she would know if a boyfriend was not being entirely truthful about something, which although was useful when trying to figure out where they had been all night, it was a little depressing as nothing was ever really a surprise to her.  
  
She thought that was why she had stayed with Raphael for so long, although their relationship had been destructive for the both of them, it had been full of surprises, as she was unable to tell when he was lying. Mark had been see through, and although she had been engaged to him, she wandered if they had ever have gotten married whether it would have lasted for long. With hindsight she didn't think it would have, she would have gotten bored eventually, but then Raphael was a fully trained agent and Mark didn't even know that agents got training.  
  
Her reason for coming this time was slightly different, in fact it was very different than the usual reasons for coming to intelligence. Early one morning some days ago she had received a call informing her that her son had been taken to hospital. By the time she had gotten changed and was just about to leave she had received another call saying that her son had been transferred to a more secure intelligence hospital, after some questioning on her part, she had discovered that he had been transferred to the intelligence hospital the specialised in psychiatric cases.  
  
On her arrival she had been greeted by a doctor, who had explained to her that while at the other hospital he had become very erratic, and had injured a civilian. Fearing that an investigation into the attack would be too damaging and maybe eventually expose Tad as her son. They had talked to the person that had been attacked, explaining that no legal action was necessary, as there had never actually been an attack, and then proceeded to wipe all records of him ever entering the hospital.  
  
Kathryn didn't always approve of intelligence's methods of dealing with most situations, which usually consisted of telling all witnesses that the event they saw didn't actually happen, and if they had memories of it then it meant they were going mad. But she couldn't deny that they were very affective.  
  
What exactly had happened to her son was still unclear to her, and even if she was capable of listening to any explanations that a doctor might be able to put forward to her, they weren't offering any explanations. The reason for this was that they weren't exactly sure what had happened, from what she was picking up, Tad's girlfriend, who she knew very little about and hadn't even met, had called for medical assistance to his apartment. When they had reached him he was fading in and out of conciseness, and eventually when he awoke he had become very distraught and they had had to sedate him. Whether they had sedated him after the attack or before and then he had re-awoken and then injured someone was unclear and irrelevant, what mattered was that it happened, and then the order was less important.  
  
"Janeway." the young agent repeated looking down at a file, "interrogation tier 16, subject 923- Tobias Janeway." he looked up, "the two of you are related?"  
  
Kathryn didn't answer directly, but nodded slightly, "can I see him please?"  
  
The agent replaced the pieces of paper in the file and pressed a button on the desk, "hi, can I have two security guards up here please," he said, as someone on the other end replied that it wasn't a problem.  
  
She was lead by two guards down a hall full of cell doors, each concealing someone that was being kept there 'for their own good'. Eventually they came to the relevant cell door, where one of the guards unlocked it for her.  
  
Although the room was brightly lit she didn't see her son right away, and it was only after she had looked around the room carefully that she spotted him sitting in the corner the other side of the bed. She took a step inside and looked round at the guard who was about to follow her in, "you may leave," she instructed.  
  
The guard was obviously about to argue, but thought better than arguing with an agent, especially this particular agent, and so left the room, closing the door behind himself.  
  
"Tad," Kathryn said softly as she walked closer to her son. There was no response from him and so she tried again, "Tad honey, can you hear me?"  
  
This time there was a response, "I'm busy," he said not even looking round.  
  
"With what?" she asked, thinking it best not to pull him right away from what ever task he was doing.  
  
"Life, the universe. everything!" he shook off the question and went back to whatever he was doing.  
  
"Maybe you could be a little more specific," Kathryn sat on the edge of the bed, some inches from Tad, and reached a hand out, placing it gently on the top of his head.  
  
"I'm not sure." Tad trailed off, and broke away from what he was doing. Kathryn glanced over his shoulder and saw that he was sitting with a pad of paper placed over his crossed legs. In his hand was a pen, but there was no writing on the paper. "But I know that it's important," he concluded placing his right hand, that was holding the pen back onto the paper, although still not writing anything.  
  
"Do you know why it is important?" she asked, patiently as ever.  
  
"Yes." His answers were blunt and made little sense, but Kathryn knew that she had too keep trying to get through to him.  
  
"Are you going to tell me?"  
  
He paused and looked up at her. For the first time she saw his face, and it hurt a little to see that he did not totally recognise her. His eyes were blood shot from not sleeping, and a little ink was smudged across his cheek. "I can't tell you," he said.  
  
"Why not?" She had the distinct feeling that she may never get through to him.  
  
"Because." he looked away, "there's a reason. I can't remember what it is though," he said. He turned away from Kathryn and shook her hand from his head, before swiftly getting up from the floor and walked over to the opposite side of the room. Seeing that he had dropped his pad she leant over to pick it up. When she turned back round she saw that her son had begun to write on the wall, wanting to know what he was up to she left him to it as she went through the pad of paper.  
  
The pad was empty, it was obvious that each page had been flicked through, but nothing written. "You have a son don't you?" Tad asked without facing her.  
  
"I have you," Kathryn agreed.  
  
"No, not me," Tad continued to write, "I don't count, you've left me, I remember that. I don't like him much though, he's too small, he'll never be big enough to hold a guitar."  
  
Ignoring her sons rambling she looked around the bare and empty room, "would you like a guitar?" she asked.  
  
"I don't play anymore," he answered the question amid rambling, "I can't remember why though, but I know it's no longer important."  
  
Again Kathryn's heart sank, she hated to see him like this, she hated to admit it but it had been easier when he was younger. "Where is she?" Tad stopped writing and turned back round.  
  
"Who?"  
  
"I hear her," Tad explained, "sometimes, at night, or when they turn the lights off, I hear her. I think we have the same dreams sometimes, but they could just be mine, I like dreaming, it's easier."  
  
Getting up from the end of the bed Kathryn made her way over to Tad, unlike herself he was not vertically challenged, a lot like his father he was tall and muscular. She placed a hand on his upper arm, she didn't know what she expected, maybe for him to flinch, or pull away, but he stood dead still. She looked up at his face and saw that he was staring directly at the wall opposite, the only movement coming from the small movements of his chest as he inhaled and exhaled, and the occasional blink.  
  
"Well, when you see her, say that I missed her, and that people aren't meant to grow so suddenly, she should slow down." He walked back over to his bed and lay down on top of the sheets, curling up, "you don't mind if I sleep do you?" he asked as he closed his eyes.  
  
"Not at all," she said with a slight lump in her throat, "goodnight." But she didn't hear anything more from him as he had slipped into a sleeping state. "Sweet dreams," she said softly as she made her way towards the door.  
  
~*~  
  
On her way out of the building, she saw a familiar face as she approached the reception desk. At first she wasn't quite sure if it was who she thought it was, but getting closer she heard the familiar voice that confirmed that it was Seven. Kathryn wasn't quite sure what to do, the best decision would have been for her to just leave the building, because questions could be raised as to why Kathryn was in the intelligence building if she made contact with Seven. However, avoiding Seven wasn't probably the best of options, there was the chance that on Kathryn's way out she could be seen by the young woman, and then not only would there be the questions of why she was there, but then also the questions as to why she had avoided Seven.  
  
But before she could decide either way, it was as if Seven chose for her, as she looked around sensing a familiar presence to the side of her. Immediately she spotted Kathryn, and both women froze, staring at each other. Kathryn let out a deep breath that she had not realised she had been holding in, and made her way over to Seven. As she came closer, she noticed that there was something different about Seven, and then she realised.  
  
~*~  
  
End of chapter 7 


	8. Osmosis

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager belongs to Paramount Pictures.  
  
Author's note: It's a miracle! My mock exams are over and I'm being told how badly I did! Yey! [shakes head in shame] just kidding, I only failed half of them [sad face]. Anyway, on a brighter note it means that I don't have revision and for the next week or maybe two (if I'm lucky) I don't have coursework, which means more time writing, so I should be able to post about two new chapters a week, but please review when you've read a chapter, it's a scary idea to think that I'm posting stuff that no one's reading!  
  
This story takes a bit of a turn now, and will backtrack on what's happened, a time twist that my English teacher goes on about so much theses days! So, it's important that you pay close attention to the dates, (yes, there was a reason there was a date at the heading of each chapter) the backtrack means that while, say for example, something was happening to Janeway the next few chapters should tell you what was going to Seven at the same time.  
  
Confused?- me too, don't worry if you don't get it, it's logical and will make sense at the end (if not then I've made some serious miscalculations and errors. Okay, have fun and don't got too confused.  
  
~*~  
  
Chapter 8: Osmosis  
  
"Why is it water?"  
  
"Why not? Isn't it always water though. It's irony to it's fullest extent. Osmosis is the only way, but it's also the down fall, too much water and you explode, not enough and you shrivel, it's all about balance, trying to find an equilibrium."  
  
"Is that what you're trying to do, find an equilibrium?"  
  
"No, I've found it, most of us have, but sometimes the balance is wrong. But then it's not about water anymore, I don't know what it's about, I've found the equilibrium I'm just trying to figure out how to keep it."  
  
"Let's talk about this irony of water, you've mentioned it a lot recently."  
  
"I've already explained, Osmosis is part of the irony, but it's mainly lungs. You've got two conduits for the water, one will maintain your life the other will choke your life, I just thought that it was ironic that it has two such opposing affects. Does that help explain?"  
  
"Yes, it does. What's wrong with the balance?"  
  
"I don't want to talk about it, let's go back to water. It has to be the right temperature, too hot and it kills the cells, too cold and they slow down and stop working, but I think that it has to be cold. If it's too hot then it will melt the ice-"  
  
"Where has the ice come from?"  
  
There was a long pause, but there was also patience, "we're talking about water, I used to think that everything liquid had water in it, because I used to drink most liquids. I wasn't supposed to drink it, but I wanted to taste it, but it was bitter, I didn't like it. And then I was ill, I can't remember much about that time, but I can remember feelings-"  
  
"Why ice?"  
  
"A headache, but then progression into a migraine, choking, vomiting, the usual."  
  
"You're not answering my questions."  
  
"You're not listening to my answers, so what's the point in asking the questions in the first place! I don't think I want to be here anymore, can I go?"  
  
Another pause, but this time from the other side, "we'll carry on tomorrow, I think we've talked enough for today."  
  
~*~  
  
San Francisco, August 2nd 2379. "Did you get to see the doctor about what ever you needed to speak to him about?" Tad asked putting his hands into his pockets as they walked along.  
  
"Yes," she lied, but he didn't question her answer.  
  
He nodded, biting his lip, "so, what was it like on Voyager?" he asked a question that had been bugging him for a while.  
  
"Voyager?" she sounded surprised.  
  
"We don't have to talk about it, I'm just curious," he admitted.  
  
Seven had been asked by many people about her time on Voyager, from interrogating Admirals to people that she passed on the street, but then it had always felt as if they wanted to listen to the Borg talk, to see if she was able to communicate, but Tad seemed different, he sounded as if he genuinely wanted to know about her experience. "It was exhilarating and exhausting- constantly," the edges of her mouth lifted slightly as if she wanted to smile, but thought better of it, and returned to a neutral expression.  
  
Tad didn't hold back with his emotions, he never did, he was always very open, and so was quite comfortable smiling, "sounds like I would have hated it," he laughed.  
  
Seven relaxed slightly seeing how relaxed her companion was, "I met many good friends there though, and learnt a lot. If the Captain had not have let me stay on the ship I don't think that I would have ever been able to regain any part of my humanity as I have done with her help."  
  
Tad's smile faltered slightly realising who she was talking about, "did you get on well with the Captain?" he asked a little cautiously.  
  
She frowned slightly, "not at first, and not all of the time. At first I was adamant that I would rejoin the collective, I was afraid of being alone, but the Captain showed me that just because I couldn't hear the thoughts of others, it did not mean that I was alone."  
  
"I can imagine," he said quietly and almost without realising that he had said it at all. They came to a halt along the street and Seven looked at him, frowning deeply, he looked at her, and then passed her, "we're here," he said nodding in the direction of a coffee house behind her. She turned and headed towards the door, Tad close behind.  
  
"What do you mean you can imagine?" Seven asked, holding the door open for him.  
  
He shrugged, "I have a good imagination," he said with a quirky grin, that made her momentarily forget that she had actually asked a question. He looked away embarrassed, blushing slightly, and she suddenly realised that she had been blocking the door way staring while him.  
  
They took their seats at a table by the window, and Tad glanced round at the familiar scene. A man with an apron tied round his waist approached the table and stopped dead in his tracks by the two of them. Reluctantly Seven looked away from the window fearing that the waiter was going to ask her about her implants, but she quickly noticed that he was staring at Tad. Tad looked round from the window also, at first oblivious to the fact that there was anyone staring at him at all.  
  
"Toby?" the man asked.  
  
Tad looked up sharply, and recognising the shorter man immediately stood from his chair and embraced him, "Rhab," Tad said pulling away, "I didn't know you still worked here-"  
  
"I didn't think that you would grow to be so big, but you have," his voice smiled with his face. Seven noticed a foreign accent to his voice, and looked at the two men curiously.  
  
Rhab looked at the young lady sitting at the table, and raised an eyebrow with a smile, "so who's this?" he asked. Seven blushed slightly, not relishing being the centre of attention.  
  
"A friend of mine," Tad explained, "Annika this is Rhab, he's known me since I was a baby."  
  
"Are you kidding, I've known you since before you were born." Rhab looked kindly over at Seven, "this man is one of my favourite customers, and he's also the worst customer this coffee house has ever had. When he was fifteen he would come in here, stay for hours, sometimes even with a group of friends, and would he order a coffee? No! So I asked him one day, 'Toby why do you come to a coffee house and not order a coffee?' and do you know what he said to me?"  
  
Tad was stifling a laugh at this point, and Seven couldn't help but smirk, she shook her head, not having a clue what he was about to say next. "'Gelfrigen keila amma dolci'," Seven looked at him blankly, "this whole time he could speak fluent Targen, while I had been struggling with English for years, and he told me that the last time he drank coffee he had almost died. What kind of person almost dies from drinking coffee?"  
  
"Me," Tad broke him away from his story, "are you taking our orders or what?"  
  
"I'll take this young lady's, you can get your own- tag, seuntayna domnara, keila, misantago!"  
  
Seven couldn't help but laugh, "I'll have a cappuccino," she smiled.  
  
Rhab nodded, "I think that I'm going to like you miss Annika, unlike this pitiful excuse for a mortal," he playfully ruffled Tad's hair before walking off, muttering to himself.  
  
"Great guy," Tad watched him walk into to kitchen as he sat, "but totally insane."  
  
Seven smiled, "what did he say just then?"  
  
"Not a clue, I'm guessing some sort of insult, calling someone domnara is the equivalent of telling a Klingon that their mother has a smooth forehead."  
  
Seven raised an eyebrow, "I thought that you were fluent," she asked sceptically.  
  
"I used to speak a little of his native language," he shrugged, "but I forgot. Three years of learning the language- forgotten, in the final two years of school after I dropped the subject."  
  
"What is Targen anyway?" she frowned, as she couldn't remember the Borg having ever encountered such a species or language and was still confused as to why it hadn't been translated.  
  
"Some inhabitants from this planet got stranded on a primitive planet called Targen some two hundred years ago, they learnt the language, and a while later Star Fleet 'rescued' them." He pulled a face, and she could tell by looking at his expression that he didn't agree with Star Fleet's interference on rescuing the humans from the planet. But, not totally understanding the situation she didn't say anything.  
  
"The language is complex, I remember Tag means yes, but the only time that that word is being used is when it's an older man talking to a younger adult and trying to emphasise that they are being sarcastic. A child speaking to a parent will say 'romi' but when speaking to some one they are unrelated to will say 'yarmi', both words mean 'yes'. I think that over all there are forty something different words for when we would just say 'yes', so you can imagine what the rest of the language is like. That's why it can't be translated by our translators."  
  
"And you had to learn this language?" she frowned, it was illogical to teach a language that so few people spoke, especially at a school.  
  
"Character building," Tad shrugged, "well, at least that's what my mother said when I asked her if I could not bother to learn the language in the first place, and give it up in the first year. The headmaster to the school was one of the humans taken from Targen, and decided that we should learn his language. I strongly disliked him!"  
  
Seven laughed lightly at hearing the phrase: 'strongly disliked' for probably the first time in normal conversation. "You 'strongly disliked' him?"  
  
Tad nodded, "my mother told me that hate was too strong a word to use unless you really meant it, and I never hated the man, just didn't like him."  
  
This man, Seven found, was full of surprises. When she had first met him she had been surprised that he was a doctor at such a young age, and was then surprised that he never gave her a second look when seeing her implants as many people did. He was very tolerant and fore thinking, and unlike many men that she had met that were about his age, he was very mature. She thought that she had met the perfect man, and the fact that he was dashingly handsome was just a bonus.  
  
~*~  
  
End of chapter 8  
  
Thanks for all those that have read and reviewed, and to all those that will (hint hint on reviewing!)  
  
Live long and prosper, and I wish you all lots of snow (unless you don't like snow of course). 


	9. Caffeine intollerance

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager belongs to Paramount Pictures.  
  
Chapter 9: Caffeine intolerance  
  
"Do you know why you're here?"  
  
"Because you're a bitch."  
  
"That's not the reason."  
  
"So if you know why I'm here why are you asking me if I know why I'm here, it's obvious that I don't know, so why don't you just get over with it and tell me why I'm here."  
  
"You know why you're here, I don't have to tell you."  
  
"And all I know is that you're a bitch, so I'm going to say that is the reason."  
  
"Why do you think I'm a bitch?"  
  
"I don't think, but I do know, it's just one of those things, you either know or you don't know. I don't want to talk any more."  
  
"You're going to have to some time. . . Okay, we'll end it here for today."  
  
~*~  
  
San Francisco, September 8th 2379.  
  
He was humming, he always hummed, it was just something that he did. Well, he didn't always hum, because sometimes he sang, and sometimes his program was offline, and sometimes it wasn't appropriate to hum, but on this occasion he was humming. He heard the door open from behind him and turned to see Seven standing at the entrance, the doctor beamed, "what can I do for you today Seven?" he asked.  
  
She came further into the room, her face was like steel, which usually meant that she was upset or unsettled about something, and so she put on the mask to prevent others from realising this. "I am here on a medical matter," she informed him.  
  
The doctor picked up a triquader, "yes," he encouraged her to carry on.  
  
"I have experienced severe headaches, eye strains, and at times imbalance," she described her symptoms to him.  
  
He took the triquader over to her and began scanning, "hum," he said.  
  
"Is there something wrong doctor?" she asked.  
  
He looked up, suddenly aware that he had said anything at all, "I'm not sure," he stepped away from her, and transferred the readings over to a console, "it's probably nothing," he said clicking some more buttons, "this may take some time. So, how are you?" he distracted her from asking what he thought was wrong.  
  
"As I have said-" she began, but the doctor held up a hand.  
  
"No, with your work, friends- love life," he raised an eyebrow in waiting for a response to the latter of the list.  
  
She smiled slightly, "you mean Tad," she correctly guessed.  
  
"Everything alright between the two of you?"  
  
"We have our disagreements, but in general he is easy to get on with. He has just suggested moving an alcove into his apartment, so that I could stay over more often, instead of having to return to my own apartment to regenerate." She added a little unsurely, she wasn't too sure of how her mentor was going to react to this change, but she hoped that he would be happy for her.  
  
He did seem to smile, but she could tell that the smile was only for her benefit, "well I hope it works out for you," he said, although she wasn't entirely certain that he meant it.  
  
There was a bleep from the console telling them both that what ever the doctor had set the computer to do with the scans had finished. Quickly he made his way back over, and looked down a little hesitantly at the readings. "Is there something wrong?" Seven asked a little nervously.  
  
The doctor looked up a little reluctantly, wishing that he didn't have to be the one to tell her, "I'll have to run some more scans again, but I think that your cortical implant is in the early stages of failing."  
  
Seven's heart skipped a beat, she could remember the first time that he cortical implant had begun to fail, and was certain that she didn't want to go through the experience for a second time. "And what if it is failing?" she asked.  
  
He pulled a face, "it might not be," he pointed out, "but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."  
  
~*~  
  
Normandy, France, 10th September 2379.  
  
"Where are we going?" Seven asked Tad as they approached a rather large looking building.  
  
"Ah," he said teasingly pulling her gently along with her hand in his, "that would be telling."  
  
"Well I'm asking you to tell me," she said lightly.  
  
"If I told you it would spoil the surprise, and besides you'll find out soon enough." They had almost reached the door to the building, and Tad had now reached into his pockets searching for something, "however if I can't find the keys then it won't be much of a surprise."  
  
"Tad, you know I'm not very good with surprises," she stressed.  
  
He turned to her and smiled, "found them," he said at last, removing some keys from his pocket. Turning from her he placed the key into the lock and turned it, until they heard a click, "well," he said, "at least they're the right ones."  
  
Seven pulled an exasperated face as he opened the door, holding the door open with one arm he over exaggerated a bow, "after you madam," he said.  
  
A little hesitantly she entered into a dark room, before Tad closed the door he turned a light on, and she could see that they were in a lightly decorated lounge, "where are we?" she asked.  
  
"Uh, staff lounge I guess," he shrugged and headed towards a door at the other end of the room, he tried it only to find that it was locked, and so headed towards another door, there was a click from this one, and he opened it out wide, peaking through the gap, "I think this is the right one."  
  
"You think!" Seven said wearily.  
  
"I've never come through this way before," he defended himself, "come on, it's up here."  
  
Before she could argue he had disappeared through the door, sighing she too headed for the door, only to find that it opened up onto steps escalating to a second floor. Tad was standing at the top, beaming widely, "you're okay to run right?" he asked.  
  
Seven headed up the steps, "yes, why?"  
  
"Well if we trigger off any security devices then we might have to run, but I've been told that they've all been deactivated, so we should be okay."  
  
Seven glared at him, but stopped when she reached the top of the steps. They were standing on the top of a balcony about three metres up and to the side or an ice rink. The rink its self was large and oval, with stands of seats either side obviously for spectators to ice shows. "I know how you don't like large crowds of people, so I figured you'd enjoy ice skating more at a time when no one was around."  
  
When she saw that he was smiling, she could do nothing but to smile also, "that was very, considerate of you," it was the closest thing that she could say to 'oh wow, this is a wonderful surprise' and Tad realised this and his smile widened knowing that she was happy.  
  
"We'd better get skates," he said, breaking her away from staring at the rink.  
  
"Can you skate?" she asked, following him across the wide balcony and down another set of steps.  
  
"I'm okay," he shrugged, getting to the counter where skates were usually exchanged for shoes and sliding over.  
  
"How did you get the rink while it was empty?" she raised her voice as he disappeared into a room behind the counter.  
  
He reappeared with two pairs of skates, one in each hand, "I friend of a friend, and a favour was owed somewhere along the line," he slid back over and handed her a pair of skates.  
  
"This friend of yours, does he work at the rink?"  
  
"Used to," Tad said, sitting on the edge of a seat and taking his own boots off, "but he got fired for letting the rink out illegally to friends."  
  
Seven glared at him, "is that the truth?"  
  
"Are you going to put those skates on or what?" he asked, nodding his head in the direction of the skates that she was still holding.  
  
Eventually Seven gave up questioning him about the details of the arrangements he had made to get the rink, and went on to the ice. Tad, she found, had lied, or more precisely had undermined his own abilities on the ice, he wasn't just okay at skating, he was excellent.  
  
"Where did you learn to skate?" she asked as he caught her again before she fell on the ice.  
  
"I used to skate with my parents when I was small, and then when my dad died my mum continued to take me," he skated backwards and held her hands in his, as she skated clumsily forwards.  
  
"I didn't realise that your dad had died," she came close to falling again, but Tad was prepared for this slip, and pulled her back to her feet before she even touched the ground.  
  
"You never asked," he shrugged, "you know you wouldn't fall over quite as much if you stopped leaning backwards when you're skating."  
  
"It's not the sort of question that you ask someone," she pointed out to him, "and why shouldn't I lean backwards, you are."  
  
"Only because I'm an excellent skater," he joked.  
  
"Why don't you talk about your family much?" Seven asked, coming to a standstill on the ice, and grabbing the railing with one hand for support.  
  
"Nothing to talk about really," he lied, "everyone has or has had a mother and a father, I'm no different, there's nothing really exceptional about my family so I don't ramble on about them all of the time, is that a crime?"  
  
"No," she noticed that he became a little defensive whenever she questioned him about his relations. "So is you're mother still alive?"  
  
"Yeah," he shrugged.  
  
"What's she like?" This was the closest that she had come to learning anything about his family and she wasn't going to pass up the opportunity.  
  
"She's a mother," Tad answered bluntly, "she gave birth to me, raised me, sent me to boarding school and forgot about me, any other family members you'd like to know about?"  
  
"Why are you being like this?" She could see that he obviously wasn't enjoying the conversation, and was looking more and more uncomfortable with each question that she asked.  
  
"I don't want to talk about this anymore," he looked away from her, and she saw in his face what she could only describe as sadness.  
  
"I'm sorry," she paused, and attempted to pick up the tone "from what I've heard it is tradition to have hot chocolate after ice skating."  
  
He looked back at her, relief in his face that she had decided to stop asking him questions. "I think the kitchen's this way," he grabbed her by the hand and lead her slowly over to a break in the wall of the ice rink.  
  
Seven shivered and Tad turned protectively round, "you cold?" he asked seeing herself entwine her arms around her body.  
  
"I little," she confirmed.  
  
He nodded, and proceeded to remove his jacket, "put this round your shoulders," he said leading her over to a seat in the empty restaurant. She took the jacket and did as he had suggested before sitting down at a table. "It is a little cold in here," he admitted, "but I don't want to mess with the environmental controls in case I set an alarm off."  
  
Seven waited patiently as Tad disappeared behind the counter to make her a hot chocolate, reappearing minutes later with two mugs in his hands. He set them down on the table, and she noticed that he didn't have hot chocolate in his own mug.  
  
"You aren't having hot chocolate?" she enquired.  
  
He shook his head, "caffeine intolerant," he explained.  
  
"You never mentioned-"  
  
"You never asked," the said with a smile.  
  
"Have you always been caffeine intolerant?"  
  
"As far as I know," he smiled at, what was for her an unexpected revelation, "when I was small I used to get upset that other children were able to have chocolate and I wasn't, and my godfather: Alex told me that the best superheroes had to have a weakness, like superman and Krypton," Seven looked at him blankly, "cartoon character, I'll explain later. Anyway, Alex told me that my intolerance just meant that I was one step closer than most other people to being a superhero."  
  
Seven smiled, pleased that he was confiding even a small piece of information in her, even though it seemed trivial, it was a step closer to him being able to confide in her totally. "But then of course, this is the same godfather that told me I was individual- just like everyone else, and that superheroes are worthless pieces of shit that fly about in tight fitting latex," Tad lowered the tone slightly, but only to make Seven laugh.  
  
"And this man was your godfather?" she asked through laughter.  
  
"Apparently," Tad crossed his arms, "I never did quite understood why my parents chose him to be my godfather, I guess he wasn't quite as cynical when I was a baby."  
  
Eventually the laughter ebbed, and they sat in a comfortable silence. "Do you want to go back out on the ice, or do you want me to walk you home?" Tad asked when he noticed that she had finished her drink.  
  
"I was hoping I could talk to you about something," her face was serious, and he could instantly see that she was finding it hard to breach what ever topic she wanted to talk about.  
  
"Sure," he took her hand in his.  
  
"I went to the doctor yesterday, as I was experiencing some abnormalities," she started, Tad wasn't sure he like where this conversation was heading, but listened intently regardless, "eventually the cause was diagnosed, and it seems that my cortical node is failing."  
  
Tad nodded slowly, since he had begun dating Seven he had done some research into her Borg physiology, so as to better understand her need for regeneration and any other needs that she may have as a Borg. He understood that without her cortical node she would not survive, and the thought of losing her scared him. "Has the doctor figured out a way for you to live without it?" he asked with a calm exterior.  
  
She shook her head slowly, "but he is working on a solution," she tried to reassure them both.  
  
"Do you have long?" he asked, his world slowly being picked apart, again.  
  
"I have some months left," she tried to sound confident, but he could tell that she was anything but that.  
  
"Do you mind if I assist the doctor in his research to find a solution?" he asked for her permission, although he was certain if she said no he would help anyway.  
  
She paused, and after some brief though nodded, "but I would not wish for it to interfere with your work."  
  
~*~  
  
End of Chapter 9 


	10. Ambiguous thoughts

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager belongs to Paramount Pictures.  
  
Chapter 10: Ambiguous thoughts  
  
San Francisco, September 15th 2379.  
  
Seven walked through the doors of the bedroom and out onto the indoor balcony. The balcony's barrier was glass and gave the impression that there was no barrier there at all. She looked straight ahead and through the tall panes of glass which exposed the lights of the city imprinted against the blackness of the night, uninterested by the view she looked down below at the living area. He was sitting on a sofa with his legs crossed in meditation. Not wanting to break him away from his state she made her way quietly down the stairs.  
  
The stair case swerved elegantly down from the top of the balcony and into the middle of the living area. In such a large city with space so scarce she wandered how he had managed to obtain such an apartment, but when she asked him such questions he would just smile and tell her not to worry about it. Not wanting him to think that she was worrying she often tried to avoid such questions, but they still lingered in her mind.  
  
She opened the fridge and removed a bottle of milk, pouring some of the contents into a glass before returning the bottle back to the fridge. "I'm sorry, did I wake you." She hadn't heard him get up from the sofa or make his way over to the kitchen area, but somehow he had managed it. His arms circled round her waste and kissed her neck gently. She put down the glass back down onto the work surface and turned to face him.  
  
"You were not there when I woke," she stated.  
  
He knew that she didn't like to wake up alone, she didn't even like to sleep when it could be avoided, but she often agreed to stay with him if he asked her to. "I couldn't sleep," he lifted a hand to her cheek and kissed her passionately on the lips, breaking away he smiled and released his grip around her a little. "I had a lot on my mind," he explained before letting go of her completely and walking back over towards the living area.  
  
Picking up her glass she followed him and sat down on the sofa next to him, allowing him to put his arm across her shoulders she melted into his chest. Both being young and beautifully comfortable with their own bodies they felt very little need to cover up from each other, and so that night they were wearing very little. Seven took a sip from her glass, "what were you thinking about?"  
  
He kissed the top of her forehead, and gently caressed her upper arm, "life, the universe. everything," he didn't like to be too specific when it could be avoided.  
  
Seven however preferred to know every detail, and so was a little annoyed at this answer. "Tad!" she scolded.  
  
He laughed gently into her hair, "I was thinking what I could have done differently."  
  
"When?" she put her glass on the coffee table in front and sat up straight looking him in the face.  
  
"Lots of times," he smiled, "I was trying to find a pattern so that I don't make any of the same mistakes again."  
  
He trailed of, so she finished his sentence, "like Adelaide?"  
  
"Yes," he agreed. He had told Seven relatively little about his past life, she got the idea that he didn't like to talk about it, and so never pressed him for answers. All she knew about Adelaide was the she was his wife, but had died some time ago, other than that, she knew hardly anything. "But other things as well."  
  
He was in a very sombre mood she noticed, more than usual, he seemed very distant, and it scared her a little that she didn't understand him. Picking up on this he smiled, "we don't know very much about each other do we?" he hung an arm down the back of the sofa.  
  
She shook her head, "no, but that is the idea of dating; to get to know each other."  
  
Tad nodded with a grin, although Seven came across as a very simple woman, he knew that there was a lot more to her than she allowed people to see. He thought that he was starting to break trough that barrier, she very rarely hid her emotions from him and often confided in him about things that were worrying her. He just wished that he could do the same; tell her about his past, bring her into his family, tell her everything that was bothering him, but he knew that he couldn't.  
  
It saddened him to think that she was putting a lot more trust into the relationship than she was getting out of it, but although he knew that she could be trusted, he also knew that trusting her with such precious information could be dangerous for her. But still, sometimes he thought it was worth the risk so that they would not have that barrier between them both.  
  
"While I was thinking," Tad broke the comfortable silence, "I thought maybe we should put a regeneration unit in my apartment, so that you could stay over more often."  
  
Seven couldn't help but smile a little, it was comforting to know that he thought about these things, to know that he casually considered her own needs, as well as their needs. Thinking for a moment she looked back up at him, "I think that such a change would be acceptable."  
  
Tad's smile widened and was about to say something more when he heard the com bleep. He looked across at Seven apologetically and crossed the room to get to the com console. Looking down at the display he sighed, and turned back to Seven, "sorry Annika, it's a private call I have to take it in my office."  
  
She nodded, assuming that it was probably hospital business, "I'm going to try and go back to sleep, will you be up later?"  
  
He paused, "I'm not sure," he said, "we'll see."  
  
With that he was gone and Seven was left sitting all alone, getting up from the sofa she crossed the room and headed back up the stair case.  
  
Back in his office Tad pressed the button to open a channel, it was doctor Davidson, "hi Chris," Tad acknowledged his colleague.  
  
"Tad," Chris nodded, "I've been told to inform you that admiral Janeway has just gone into labour," he paused, "hey, are the two of you related?"  
  
Tad ignored his question, "okay, is her partner- Chakotay with her?"  
  
"Um, I'm not sure, she came in with a guy but he definitely wasn't called Chakotay."  
  
So no, Tad thought, "has he been informed?"  
  
"I don't know, I was only told to contact you," Chris frowned, still unsure of Tad's relevance to the admiral.  
  
"Don't worry about it, I'll contact him, if Kathryn asks tell her that I'll be there as soon as I can," he pinched the bridge of his nose and terminated the com. This was going to be a very long night, he decided.  
  
"Annika," he crawled across the bed and crouched beside her, she turned over and looked sleepily up at him with a questioning look, "I have to go down to the hospital," he said softly.  
  
"When?"  
  
"Now."  
  
She paused, and woke herself up a little more, suddenly aware that she had dozed off in the first place. "Okay," she said a little more awake, "will you be back?"  
  
"Not before you wake," he explained, "so just let yourself out in the morning. I have to leave now, will you be okay?"  
  
She didn't really want to be left alone, she hated solitude, but she didn't want to make him feel guilty for leaving her so nodded, "I'll see you later," she said.  
  
Wanting to stay with her, but knowing he had to leave he paused briefly before leaning over to kiss her on the forehead, "I love you," he said sitting back up and then sliding off the bed, "I'll see you later then." Quickly he left the room, closing the door after himself. She heard him rummage around downstairs for a time before she heard the front door open and then close as he left.  
  
~*~  
  
Hospital, San Francisco, some hours later.  
  
As he walked down the familiar hospital corridors he heard footsteps come quickly behind his own and fall into pace beside him. He turned to see he friend Luke. "Hey dude," Luke nodded.  
  
Tad raised an eyebrow in an unconscious imitation of Tuvok, "who uses the word dude anymore?"  
  
Luke cocked his head make in mock offence, "me, of course," he stated with a smile. "Why are we walking so fast?" he asked as they turned another corner and headed towards the lift.  
  
"Mum's just gone into labour," he said.  
  
"Ah, that's why Dad said that you'd be here, I thought it was strange that it wasn't even your shift-"  
  
"Luke, I love you like a brother, but is there a reason that you're here?" they got to the lift and Tad pressed a button to one side of it.  
  
"Yeah," Luke said as the doors opened and they both stepped inside. "Felicity, she went on a test flight yesterday, and was due back about nine last night- or was it ten?- anyway, she's still not back and it's like three in the morning now, and that Pierce guy, and his friend, can't remember the name- well they're both engineers, but-"  
  
"Get to the point!"  
  
The doors opened and they both stepped out, "well, as I was going to say, they're a little worried that Flic hasn't reported back yet, and I just thought you should be informed."  
  
"Thanks," Tad put a hand on Luke's shoulder as they slowed down their pace, "right, anything else?"  
  
"No," Luke shook his head, and put his hands into his trouser pockets.  
  
"Then I'll see you later," Tad smiled as he was about to walk off into a room off the corridor.  
  
"Where are you-?" then Luke remembered, "oh yeah, Kathy, okay I'll see you later.  
  
Tad disappeared into the room that he had been headed for, only to miss Luke head down the corridor in one direction, only to realise it was the wrong direction and double back.  
  
~*~  
  
End of Chapter 10 


	11. Extended

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager belongs to Paramount Pictures.  
  
Chapter 11: Cause to live my life extended  
  
San Francisco, September 19th 2379.  
  
He hated arguing, he would do everything in his power to avoid an argument if he thought that it was possible. He didn't want to argue now, and so made to leave. Seven blocked his path, "how do you know her?" she asked again, her voice cold and ready for another round.  
  
Tad sighed pinching the bridge of his nose, "Annika, I've told you already, I don't know her, I was just told to pass a message along to her, and I did, end of story."  
  
"You're lying," she accused. He shot her a look, although he resented the accusation he knew it was true, he didn't just know Kathryn Janeway, he had lived inside her. "If you don't know her then why did you hug her?" Tad's jaw hung, he didn't realise that she had seen that, he had just assumed that she had seen him enter the hospital room, ask where Kathryn was and then leave. "And what about your surnames," he cringed knowing what was coming next, "is it just coincidence that you share the same name?"  
  
"What do you want me to say Annika?" he moved away from her and further into the room, sitting down on the sofa, clasping his hands together and resting them on his lap, preferring to stare at the floor than at Seven.  
  
"The truth, how you know the admiral, and what you were doing there." Although she wanted to sit down beside him, she felt that doing such a thing would make her seem weak, as if calming down would let him win, and he would get away without an explanation.  
  
He looked back up at her, he was too tired to argue and she wasn't going to give up. "Kathryn and I are related, yes, so that's why we share the same surname. When my father died when I was five, my mother was distraught, and due to circumstances I guess I grew closer to Kathryn than I did to my mother." It wasn't totally a lie, although it wasn't exactly fair of him to allow Seven to believe that his mother and Kathryn were two separate people, he couldn't exactly tell her that Kathryn was his mother, Intelligence would have his neck, or worse- Seven's. The truth was that in many ways Kathryn was more of a friend than the typical mother stereotype, and he guessed that in some abstract way it could have been partly to do with the death of his father.  
  
Seven relaxed her stance, "your father," she said quietly, it was one of the first times that he had mentioned anything about his past life.  
  
"Yes," Tad said exasperatedly, then shifted his body to one side of the sofa, in the hope that Seven may decide to sit next to him. She saw this manoeuvre and so made her way over to him. "I guess I'm the closest thing Kathryn has to a son," it was the truth, partially, but saying the words he remembered that he no longer was the closest thing to a son for her, there was Aaron now as well.  
  
She sat beside him, "what were you there for?" she asked.  
  
He ran a hand through his hair, "something happened to my younger sister, I thought I should tell her, I'm sorry next time I'll check with you," he added, suddenly aware of how harsh he sounded.  
  
"I'm sorry," she put a hand on his shoulder, but he pulled away from her and stood. "Where are you going?" she started after him as he made his way from her and to the coat rack.  
  
"I said that I was going to meet a group of friends, I have to leave now or I'll be late," he said as he took his jacket from the rack, purposely keeping his back to her.  
  
"You're sister," Seven attempted to make him stay by showing some concern, "is she okay."  
  
Tad turned round, "I don't have a sister," he lied, "remember that if anyone asks you." He didn't want to elaborate, and was thankful that Seven didn't ask him to do so as he left his apartment. Seven stared at the door after him, not quite sure of what to say, and not quite sure what he had meant when he had left.  
  
~*~  
  
San Francisco, Later that night  
  
For Tad, going to the bar and getting pissed wasn't an everyday venture for him. He would often drink a glass of wine with an evening meal out of habit or on social occasions when most others were drinking, but he never felt the need to binge drink. However, two of his friends from his old university had dropped by, and after some persuasion he had agreed to go out with them. Even after they had managed to persuade him that he should go with them on a pub crawl, he had only agreed with the original intention that he would not drink alcohol. However, with everything that had happened, he momentarily forgot that he had a hospital shift the next morning and drunk himself into a stupor.  
  
Tad blinked heavily, and tried to remember whether the world had always been distorted and upside down, or if it was just a recent modification to reality. When he took this question of his two friends Vince and Larry, they both gave him different answers. Vince's was something along the lines of: "Nah, sit's probly jus' you." The common translation of this phrase is: "I think you have knocked your head, and may have concussion, either that or you really are completely pissed. Either way I believe that it may be in your best interests to seek medical advice."  
  
Larry gave him a slightly different answer: ".-.-.-." Well, by the time Tad had gotten round to asking Larry, he was on the floor in fits of laughter, why he was laughing no one was exactly sure, but the fact was that he was laughing.  
  
Giving up on his two friends Tad made his way outside into the dark street in the hope that fresh air may clear his mind. He sat at the edge of the pavement looking up and down the empty street. "Are you okay?" a soft feminine voice asked from behind him.  
  
Clumsily he looked around, he saw a figure standing behind him, but the details were unclear. "I'm fine," he looked back round.  
  
There was a moments silence, then he felt the movement from behind him move to the side as she sat down beside him on the pavement. "You don't look okay," she said hugging her knees partially because it was cold and partially to prevent the vengeful gust of wind blowing her skirt in all directions.  
  
He looked round at her, "I think that I might be a little drunk," he stated. "It's weird though, I can still do maths, so I can't be that drunk."  
  
"I think a lot of people can still do maths when they're drunk, it's just very few admit to it," she laughed, a wisp of her long dark brown hair falling momentarily over her face, before she tucked it behind her ear.  
  
"What are you doing here at this time of night?" Tad asked, the fresh air working a little in clearing his mind.  
  
She paused, "some of my friends are overly drunk and I figured I'd leave them to it." She paused again and looked over at the young man sitting awkwardly on the pavement, his head not quite sure what equilibrium was, "I was going to just go home when I saw you sitting here, on the pavement in the middle of a cold night."  
  
"I am?" He looked around, then realising the stupidity of his question he laughed, "oh yeah, I know I came out here for a reason, but I can't seem to remember what."  
  
"To clear your head maybe," she suggested with a smile.  
  
"That's probably the one," Tad looked round at the woman who sat beside him. She was young, maybe in her late twenties, early thirties at a push. Her dark brown hair and tanned skin contrasted appealingly to her dark blue eyes. Tad noticed he was staring and looked away.  
  
The woman sitting beside him blushed slightly, and after an awkward pause stood up. "I'd better be getting home," she smiled, then added, "are you staying here?"  
  
Shrugging Tad stood also, swaying a little to each side, but eventually regaining his balance. "I'll probably go home as well, I have a shift at the hospital tomorrow morning. Shit! That's like- five hours away. See, I can still do maths," he added with a quirky grin.  
  
"You're a doctor?" she asked with mild amusement.  
  
"Yes, I think anyway- yes, for about two years now."  
  
"You live near here?"  
  
"Um, yes," Tad paused, thinking, "I know I live someplace near here, but I have no idea where," he laughed at his own forgetfulness, which ironically was due to his over consumption of beer.  
  
"That's a shame, because if you don't know where you live how am I supposed to walk you home and make sure that you're okay?"  
  
Tad thought for a moment, "how about I walk you home, and I worry about whether or not I'm okay," he suggested.  
  
In his drunk state he didn't quite notice the sly smile that momentarily spread across her face, before quickly dissipating.  
  
~*~  
  
As Tad later discovered her name was Kennedy and she didn't live that far away from the city centre. As Tad was able to remember he live quite close to the city centre also, he assumed that she must live near him also. But then, there was the possibility that they lived on opposite sides, but still, they were still quite close. Their fields of work were very different, whereas he was a doctor, she was a diplomat, and concentrated in the Ferengi- Star Fleet area.  
  
As with many of those that lived in the city, she lived in an apartment several floors up above ground level which he walked her up to. She stood by the door, with his jacket hanging from her shoulders, that he had handed her to protect her from the chilling wind, "would you like to come in for a night cap?" she asked, as she unlocked the door to her apartment.  
  
"No thank you, I have work tomorrow and have to be getting back, I think I might be able to catch a few hours sleep."  
  
She looked mildly disappointed, "I'm sure one drink can't hurt," she opened the door up with an arm stretched behind her, inviting him in.  
  
He nodded, "but if I don't get enough sleep, it might affect my concentration at work, which could be the difference between life and death for a patient," he stated, thinking about putting some distance between Kennedy and himself.  
  
As if she knew what he was thinking she closed the distance between them both and brushed her lips against his. Immediately he pulled his head away, "I'm sorry, but I have a girlfriend," he attempted to put a barrier between himself and Kennedy.  
  
Seductively Kennedy brushed her thumb across his lips, and leant forward, whispering in his ear, "she doesn't have to find out."  
  
A shiver was sent down his spine, and seemed to engulf his body, in a moment he forgot about Seven and followed Kennedy into her apartment. The feeling in the pit of his stomach told him to leave, but a force that he was unable to explain trapped him inside. The force wasn't lust or any kind of sexual desire, but merely the thought that leaving would drain all of the happiness from his soul, and the only way to hold onto that was to stay with Kennedy. She wasn't happiness, he knew that, but a part of him knew she was some form of threat, a threat of what he didn't know.  
  
Each time their skin made contact he felt as if he had been plunged into a cold bath, and as their physical contact became more intense it felt as if his head had been dunked under the cold water and was being held there. It was not someone or something that held his head under in this complex visual feeling, but it was he himself that would not allow his head to rise out of the water to take a breath, it was as if he didn't want to breathe, didn't want to live. But his lungs told him that he had to inhale, and now every time that he breathed he took a lungful of water. The water burned his lungs, and overwhelmed him.  
  
There was no longer any air holding his torso up and so he sank to the bottom of the bath. And as he did so his life seemed to slip away from him. In the cold, icy water the vibrations from a forgotten world consumed his body, the sound from air fell aimlessly into the water, and was horrendously distorted. His eyes closed and only the feeling that something was on his shoulder could be felt, and suddenly he remembered Annika.  
  
The temperature dropped and he shivered, it was surprising he still had the energy to shiver, but he thought if he shivered enough all bad feelings would leave him, and when they were gone, good feelings would return to him. Like Annika. But she was gone, or she was leaving, he wasn't quite sure, he did know that every one that he loved left him, it was a curse. He didn't like curses, they reminded him of the pressure on his chest, a terrible thumping that he was unable to explain.  
  
His eyes weren't ready to open, but some one told him that he should. It told him with every hand that crushed his chest, or every contact that was made to his lips, but he didn't want to open his eyes, because he was afraid of what he might see. Who's eyes would he see if he opened them? He would rather see none than any at all, because at least if there weren't any then there was no one to love or fear. And if there was no fear or love then there would be no pain.  
  
Each lung collapsed in on itself, but what use were empty lungs if there was no heart beat? And then he heard it, in his head, a fast and panicking beat of a heart, his heart. The pressure on the side of his neck that had many times been placed there expecting a response heard it also, and again the plea was made for him to open his eyes. There was nothing left to lose he decided as he almost choked again on the water leaving his mouth. And so he opened his eyes.  
  
He almost cried with happiness when he saw that the eyes that locked with his were familiar and friendly, he knew them instantly of those of his lover. But they were not happy to see him as he was to see them, they averted quickly from the gaze of his own face, and as he searched back in his memory for that moment he realised they were worried and scared. He knew it would happen, he only caused pain, that was all that he had ever done, he understood that now. He knew that the moment Annika had pulled him out of that bath and breathed life into his almost corpse that the pain he would cause others would be unbearably intense.  
  
~*~  
  
End of Chapter 11 


	12. You could be

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager belongs to Paramount Pictures.  
  
Sorry, C12 was some bad British humour, I wrote it to fill in some gaps, it's not meant to make sense, if you hate it I'll take of off for you. The idea behind it came to me one afternoon and I wrote it then and there, this is the conclusion to chapter 11, sorry!  
  
~*~  
  
Chapter 13: You could be  
  
San Francisco, October 27th 2379.  
  
"What the hell were you doing?" Seven asked, although angry she had tears in her eyes.  
  
Tad lifted his hand to her cheek and caressed it softly, "you should have left me in there," he said oddly with a sad smile on his face.  
  
"Tad! You were drowning, you did drown! Why did you do that? Why would you do that to me?" more tears welled in her eyes, and giving up she allowed herself to cry.  
  
"Sometimes it's easier to dream," he looked away from her, "it hurts less people."  
  
Seven touched his cheek and ran her fingers through his hair, the past few weeks he had changed drastically from the Tad she had fallen in love with, to a wreck of a man. What made it worse was that she didn't know why, she never did know why, because he never told her, he never opened up to her. She watched as he closed his eyes, and was scared that he would leave her again, realising that she had done all that she could, she headed out of the bathroom, and into their bedroom. There she accessed the com system and called for medical assistance.  
  
Immediately she heard the familiar bleep at the door, with a last look at Tad in the bathroom, and seeing that he was still breathing, she headed down the stairs to give them access to the apartment. Opening the door and paramedic stepped forward, "is there something I can help with?" she asked.  
  
Seven nodded, "it's my boyfriend," Seven explained cutting across the living area and heading back up the steps, the two paramedics close behind, one slightly behind the other as he was carrying a stretcher in one arm. "He didn't answer the door, so I let myself in, and I found him in the bath. I performed CPR on him," she explained as she entered the bedroom, leading them into the ensuite, "but he's still drifting in and out of conciseness, and speaking erratically, I believe that he is concussed."  
  
When they entered the bathroom, he was still lying on the floor dressed only in boxer shorts with a wet puddle around him. They looked across at the bath, and saw that it was full of water and ice cubes, leaving theories as to what happened to later they went straight over to the patient.  
  
What happened next was a blur for Seven, as it became too much, she remembered them saying that he wasn't breathing, but as she became more and more overwhelmed with complex emotions she collapsed.  
  
~*~  
  
San Francisco, October 28th 2379 (early morning).  
  
Seven slowly opened her eyes, everything still a blur, but quickly her vision cleared and she saw the doctor staring down at her with a smile. "How are you?" he asked as he moved away from her, placing a triquarder on the table beside her bed. Realising that she was lying on a bed, she studied her surroundings, and also realised that she was in a hospital.  
  
"What's going on?" she asked.  
  
The doctor's smile fell from his face, "your cortical implant is failing more rapidly than I first predicted, it seems that with the shock of finding your boyfriend drowned in the bath was too much for it to handle, and you collapsed."  
  
Seven tried to sit up, and as she did so, the world span slightly with her. "How much longer do I have?" she asked the doctor.  
  
He shook his face, "I wouldn't like to say," he saw her struggling to sit and so gave her a hand. Seeing the determined look in her face he thought it best to give her his guess, "I'd say a couple more weeks, maybe a month maximum, but I think that I shall be able to find a solution before then."  
  
Wanting a distraction from her own problems, she looked back up at the doctor, "and Tad, how is he?"  
  
The doctor nodded, although he supported her relationship with the man, a part of him always hoped that maybe she would leave him in preference for himself. He had always felt that Tad was never good enough for her, and the incident that night had just proven him right. Although there were many questions still to be asked, a theory was that Tad had tried to commit suicide, and in the doctor's mind, any man that would leave Seven in such a way was not even worth one moment of her attention. But, he could see that she cared greatly for him, maybe even loved him like she claimed that she did, and so he answered her, "he's doing okay thanks to you. The CPR saved his life, but maybe not his mind."  
  
Seven looked at the doctor with grave concern, "what do you mean?" she asked a little shakily.  
  
The doctor appeared to swallow, although there was nothing inside his holographic mouth for him to swallow, he gave the appearance that he was. "He is acting insanely, mumbling oddities, no one is able to make much sense of him, doctors have been trying for some time to talk to him, but they can't get one straight sentence out of him."  
  
"How long have we been here?" Seven looked around for a clock.  
  
"Close to four hours," the doctor told her, "apparently his family was contacted a short time ago, and are on their way, is there anyone who you would like me to contact?"  
  
"If I am to die," Seven said, trying to sound brave, "I believe that the captain would wish to be informed, she was very disappointed that I did not inform her sooner the last time my cortical node failed, I think that she would prefer it if she was told of my situation than if she was left in the dark again."  
  
The doctor nodded with a slight sad smile, glad to hear that Seven was finally ready to involve Kathryn. "I'll call her right away," he said.  
  
Before he left the room, Seven called after him, "doctor, I would like to see Tad, but I think that I may need some help in reaching him."  
  
He hesitated, but gave in, "I'll take you over myself," he said at last.  
  
~*~  
  
He was out of his bed, she was surprised to see that he was, but didn't know why she was so surprised, it was not as if he had received many major injuries. Tad stood by the window looking out at the dark sky, knowing that in a few hours sun would appear over the horizon and make it's may across the world. Seven wasn't sure if he was aware of her presence or not, but if he was he didn't look round. She looked round at the doctor, "you should call the Captain," she attempted to get him out of the room.  
  
The doctor looked over at Tad, not wanting to leave her alone with him, but after some thought he concluded that there was little danger in leaving her alone with him, and even if the man had become dangerous in his insanity he was quite certain that in any situation Seven would be able to over power him. "Don't stay too long though," he warned her, "you need to rest."  
  
Seven nodded, and watched as he left the room, closing the door behind himself to give the couple some privacy. Tad still didn't look round from the window, and this time Seven was almost certain that he knew she was there. "Tad, what happened?" she asked.  
  
He flinched at being addressed, but didn't answer. "Tad!" Seven attempted to get his attention.  
  
This time she did get a response from him, as he turned his head slightly in her direction, eventually his eyes made their way from the floor and met with her eyes. They had changed, she noticed, there was something unfamiliar in them, as if he could hear her thoughts he spoke, "everyone changes eventually Annika," his voice was soft and soothing, but painfully distant, as if he wasn't talking to her at all.  
  
She took some steps closer to him, "why won't you tell me?" she asked, inches away from him now, "tell me what's wrong Tad!" tears formed in her eyes, and he looked away as if he couldn't bear to look at her.  
  
"She went," he said, still looking at the floor, "she left me again, but she's still here, and so I thought that maybe if I left she wouldn't leave me again."  
  
Seven put a hand on his shoulder, "who?" she put her hand to his cheek and encouraged him to face her. Reluctantly he moved his head and looked at her again.  
  
"And now you're going to leave me," he said sadly, putting his arm around her waist, "I can see that now. It doesn't matter if you know or if you don't know, you're going to leave me. It doesn't matter if you stay here or not, you'll still leave me." He looped his other arm around her waist and leant in to kiss her.  
  
"Don't cry," he said pulling away from her slightly, put keeping one arm around her he lifted his other hand to her face, and wiped away a falling tear from her cheek. "I think it will be okay now."  
  
Seven looked up at him, and saw that he was smiling slightly, "Tad, I don't understand-" she stopped suddenly as she felt a sharp pain run down her spine, and then back up it. The pain didn't stop and instead filled her entire body, consuming her. She tried to cry out, but found that she was unable to speak. In her mind she searched for causes of the pain, and with reluctance realised that it was Tad who was causing it. She didn't know what he was doing or why he was doing it, but the pain was intolerable, only on one occasion could she remember such extreme pain, and that had not been since she had been assimilated by the Borg when as a small child.  
  
If she could have she would have cried to tell Tad to stop, but she couldn't. But thinking about it, he was no longer causing the pain, he was no longer even holding her, she looked for him, but found she was incapable of moving, and saw only the ceiling as she realised she was on the floor. Vision in one eye went blank, and as she wandered why she was suddenly aware of a wetness dripping down her forehead, and could only conceive that it was blood. For the second time in twenty four hours she blanked out.  
  
~*~  
  
A short time later  
  
This time Seven woke up she did not see the doctor's friendly face beaming down at her, in fact she didn't see any face, and after looking around she could only conclude that she was alone. She was in a bed, whether or not she was in the same hospital, or a hospital of any description still remained to be seen. The room was lit with a dim light, and she wandered if it was not for her enhanced vision whether she would be able to see at all. Just as she was thinking about it, a rush or intense light entered the room, she looked away finding that the light hurt her eyes.  
  
Looking away from the door she was aware of two people entering, and when she felt that the door had been closed, she looked back round. There was a woman and a man sitting on chairs by her bed, that she had not even realised were there before. They were both wearing black, and strangely enough black sun glasses. "What's going on?" she asked, trying to keep her voice steady and not admit, even to hear self that she was scared shitless.  
  
The man adjusted his sunglasses, "we are here to inform you of a change in reality," he said, his voice cold and blunt.  
  
She was about to argue, but before she could the woman spoke up, "we know that you are of the opinion that the universe is based on mathematical equations, and the equations on the function of the universe, but for you to leave this room you must understand that that is not the case."  
  
"But it is not the case," Seven interjected.  
  
"There are two ways that we can go about this Ms Hanson," the man spoke loudly as if to prevent her from talking through him, "you can either except that we have the ability to alter reality, or you can stay here for the remainder of your life."  
  
Although Seven didn't agree, she kept silent. "Good," the woman said. "The change to reality is as follows:"  
  
"You do not know a Tobias Aden Drew Janeway," the man explained, "neither have you ever met one. However, you cannot take something from the universe with out replacing it, so you did know a Tad Holland, however, in an unfortunate water ski accident he drowned, you attempted CPR but it was to no avail."  
  
"But that is not the case," she couldn't bare to stand, or in this case lye by and allow them to retell her life.  
  
The woman shifted in her seat slightly, "this is not a debate Ms Hanson! We shall continue without further debate, and if we are again interrupted, we shall leave this room and we will be the last two people that you ever see, is that quite understood?"  
  
If she could have felt her arms she would have lifted herself from the bed and shown them that she was quite in control of her own mind, but part of her believed that they were telling the truth when they said that she may never be allowed to leave if she argued with them to the contrary. So, she kept silent, and nodded that she understood what they were trying to do.  
  
The man continued, "a doctor Ardagh who is a specialist in Borg physiology, found a way of removing the manoprobes from your body, and so as a result you are no longer reliant on your cortical node."  
  
Seven looked round sharply at them, "what do you mean?" she asked, but saw the woman give her a look which told her that she had just interrupted.  
  
Both the man and the woman stood from their chairs, and headed towards the exit of the room, "any further questions you have about this change in reality may not be asked, as there is no one in existence to answer them, you will wake up the moment we leave this room and not mention our visit to any unauthorised personal, as you are not aware of who is authorised, I would revert from any mention of our visit to anyone."  
  
With those final words they left the room, leaving Seven in the dimly light of the room.  
  
~*~  
  
End of chapter 13 


	13. Show down

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager belongs to Paramount Pictures.  
  
Chapter 14: Show down  
  
San Francisco, October 31st 2379.  
  
Seven looked at her self in the mirror, still in disbelief. Any evidence that she had once been Seven of Nine had now left her body. She looked down at her hands once more, and again saw that they were free of any discomforting metal. What had happened was unclear to her still, the doctor had visited her in the dimly lit room and told her that Dr Ardagh was a genius and had been able to remove all of her Borg implants. She had quickly realised that his program had been tampered with, and so thought better than to ask any questions, and only smiled slightly at the thought she would no longer have to receive regular check ups to ensure that her Borg implants were working correctly.  
  
She had also been told that she would no longer require to use her alcove for regeneration. Although she had been capable of sleep for some time, the prospect of having to sleep every night, instead of the occasional once of twice a week still scared her. She didn't like to sleep, she didn't know why, there was very little difference to sleeping that to regenerating, as she had found that she would dream in both states, but she guessed that it was just the change that she was afraid of.  
  
After only two days in the room she had been transported back to her own small apartment in the city. Although she was thought well enough to return to her apartment in such a short space of time after receiving the 'surgery' she had been told that she would not be well enough to return to work for some weeks. Why such a long time, she didn't know, maybe it was more of a case of her getting used to her new physical parameters before she allowed other people to become accustomed to her new appearance.  
  
Physically she didn't look much different, except for the odd external implant that was no longer there, but there were a lot of internal changes. Her senses were not as advanced as they once were, she could no longer see with as third as much accuracy, or hear a pin drop in a room filled with noise. But she knew she would eventually adjust, she had done it before, and she knew that she would be able to do it again. There were advantages to not having as accurate senses, although flavours were more bland, the fact that they were not as precise made it a lot more satisfying to eat something, without being able to identify every single ingredient. Now, she found, she was able to taste the meal, not the food, which was a welcome change.  
  
She sat done on the edge of her bed, having never felt so alone in her life. It reminded her of the first time she had been severed from the collective, and the feelings she had had then returned to her. Then, she had not been able to describe the feelings verbally, but now she was able to name each emotion she was experiencing if she was asked to. But no one did ask, because no one was there, she thought of calling someone, but couldn't think who to call. She remembered the crew from Voyager promising to stay in contact when they all dispersed on Earth, but she had found that staying in contact was a lot harder than it sounded.  
  
She had grown apart from most of her old crew mates, and probably most regrettably Kathryn. At first they had stayed in very good contact, but then after six months or so, they began to fade apart, and then when Seven heard that Kathryn was pregnant with Chakotay she realised that they would probably grow further apart still. She had visited Kathryn in hospital when she had first given birth to Aaron, and they had spoken at the Voyager reunion before that, but it seemed that they were only able to talk on occasions when it was proper that they both be there.  
  
On Voyager, the crew, had, at first been reluctant to make contact with her, but eventually they had come to her, and she had become good friends with many of them. She found that on Earth it was a lot harder to make friends with people, relationships were a lot more complex, formal and distant, and none of these aspects appealed to her, so she never went out of her way to make friends. Of course there were those that she would say good morning and good evening to, and they were generally friendly people, but she didn't have a bond with any of them.  
  
Probably the best friend she had made since her arrival on Voyager had been Tad, and it saddened her to think that officially her no longer existed. She had hacked into the computer records, and no such person had ever existed. She searched for the person that had 'cured' her, and although he existed, it was obvious to her, that the information added to his file was just a formality for anyone curious enough to go looking for him.  
  
She missed Tad, she had once been told that you never truly appreciated some one until they were no longer there, ironically it had been Tad that had told her that. Thinking that she couldn't bare another moment not knowing what had happened to Tad she decided that she would look for him, and knowing no other place to start she decided that she would try to locate the transmission point of the transport from the place she had been kept in, to her apartment.  
  
~*~  
  
A few hours later  
  
"I'm sorry," said the man at the desk, "but there is no one by that name here, what did you say your name was again?"  
  
Seven dropped her shoulders, and shook her head, "it's okay," she said, "I must have gotten the wrong building." Turning to leave she spotted a familiar face, and almost doubled back to realise that it was Kathryn. Kathryn was a little hesitant at coming over to her, and when she did it was as if she only did it out of obligation.  
  
Kathryn frowned, realising that Seven no longer had any Borg implants on her face, but her face lightened slightly and a smile formed on her face, "Seven," she said lightly, the two women were in front of each other now, "I'm surprised to see you here," although she was surprised she could take a good guess at why she was there.  
  
Seven smiled also at seeing a familiar face, but her smile faded as she wandered why Kathryn was there, and the memory of what Tad had said about Kathryn some weeks before returned to her mind. "You know Tad," she stated, "I believe that the two of you are related."  
  
The smile faded quickly from Kathryn face, "yes," she said, there was no use in denying it, "why?"  
  
"I am looking for him, but apparently he no longer exists," she said, not quite certain that she should be discussing this with Kathryn, but some things had to be cleared up.  
  
Taking a quick look around the entrance hall, Kathryn seemed to decided that it wasn't the best of places to be discussing this, and so indicated that Seven should follow her. They crossed the large hall and headed out of the building. Kathryn didn't look round at Seven or say anything to her, until they were a good five minutes walk away from the building, they walked into a park, where Kathryn eventually stopped by a bench and sat down, waiting for Seven to do so as well.  
  
Deciding that she would wait for Kathryn to do all of the talking, Seven said nothing. Kathryn knew that it was her turn to talk, but was finding it hard to think of a place to start, and what information to give Seven.  
  
"I see that your Borg implants have gone," Kathryn said at last.  
  
Seven nodded, "I am not exactly sure how, but I have been informed that all of the nanoprobes that were in my body have been removed, officially I am thankful to a Dr Ardagh for this medical advance, but unofficially I believe that Tad in responsible."  
  
Kathryn nodded, "to be honest, I don't think any one is exactly sure how he did that."  
  
She looked sharply round at her former Captain, "why is this happening?" she blurted out, suddenly too impatient to go through the long formalities before getting to the truth, "why is Tad just being blanked out of existence? Has he done something that is so bad that people cannot know of it?"  
  
"It's much more complicated than it appears Seven, and I know this is probably going to raise more questions than it answers," Kathryn said softly, not because she was the centre of calm, but because she didn't want to start a shouting match in a public place, especially not so close to an unofficial intelligence building. "But you have to understand," she continued, "that some of the questions I will not be able to answer, not because I don't want to, but because it would be to dangerous for me to-"  
  
But before Kathryn could tell her, Seven interrupted, "Tad is you son," as she said the words it all seemed to fit together, and as Kathryn had said, it did raise more questions, but then it did answer many other questions. Kathryn nodded in confirmation, "it makes sense now," Seven said, almost to herself, "some of the things that Tad said the other day in hospital, before he did what ever he did. And some of the things that he said before then, things that at the time made little sense, are now very clear to me."  
  
"What did he say?" Kathryn asked, with a lump in her throat.  
  
A tear formed in Seven's eyes, and fell down her cheek, she didn't know why she was crying, but it felt appropriate somehow, "he would mention you, indirectly so that I wouldn't know it was you he was talking about, but the way he described you, it's hard to imagine that he was talking about anyone else but you." Seven looked round at Kathryn and saw that she was crying also.  
  
"He never has been very good at sticking to rules," Kathryn mused, then put a hand on Seven's shoulder, "I don't know what lies intelligence has told you to believe, but what ever they are, not believing them does not make you insane, but it's very important that you say that you believe what they have told you." Kathryn hated to do this, she hated cover-ups, but it had to be done, and she was afraid that if she didn't tell Seven this, then intelligence may decide that she was too much of a security risk and decide to detain her. "I know you want to see Tad, but you'll have to trust me when I tell you that there is very little of the Tad you know left. Whatever has happened to him has changed him considerably, and he may never recover."  
  
"You don't know that!" Seven shot at her.  
  
"You saw what he was like that other night in the hospital, and the doctors say that he was making more sense then than he is now. Seven, you have to forget about him, if not for your own good, then for him, looking for him, and asking odd questions can only have bad consequences at this stage, do you understand."  
  
Seven wasn't quite sure that she recognised the Captain anymore, she had always been a woman that encouraged truth, and now she was telling Seven that she should just accept a lie and move on. Not thinking that she could take anymore she stood from the bench, "if I don't know Tad anymore, then I don't think I know you either Admiral," she informed her former Captain.  
  
Kathryn nodded, and watched her leave, knowing that she should really say something, but what she could possibly say she didn't know. Eventually Seven went out of view, and Kathryn had a while stopped crying, suddenly aware of the cold autumn breeze she stood from the bench and headed home.  
  
~*~  
  
"It's been a while since I last saw you," Obi slouched back slightly in his chair, much more comfortable with her in her human form, than as an alien.  
  
"I was not entirely sure whether it had worked or not," he voice was different, but there was something about it that indicated that it was the same being that Obi had been conspiring with for some immeasurable length of time.  
  
"I'm still a little curious as to what exactly you have done," Obi smiled slightly, "I heard a report that Tobias had been taken to an insane institute, but I'm still not quite sure how such an event came about."  
  
"I am not entirely certain how that happened either," she admitted, "I shall have to bear such an effect in mind the next time I join with a human in such a way."  
  
"Join?" Obi started, mildly intrigued.  
  
"I shall get to that shortly," she stated in a matter-of-fact sort of way, "firstly, I thought that you should be informed that Felicity is still alive."  
  
He nodded, not looking at all surprised, "her state of being is no longer important, the plan went without her interruption I'm presuming, that would have been inevitable if she had not have been absent."  
  
"True, but if she does eventually make her way back to this galaxy and she finds out what I have done to her brother I doubt she's just going to let it go."  
  
For some reason Obi pulled a face at this, clearly uninterested by this new development, "you were going to tell me of this 'joining' so you put it . . ."  
  
"There were two ways that I could have obtained the information that you require," she explained, "the first was to ask him, this would have been a problem as he is not even aware that he knows, and even if he did, it is doubtful that he would have just told me. The second was to take the information from him and enable another being to have access to it, and we would be able to just ask this other being and I am sure that we shall receive a more positive response."  
  
"I am usually a patient man," Obi lied, "but I am quite eager to know how and when I will receive the relevant information."  
  
"How is easy," Kennedy told him, "I am pregnant with Tad's child, who will carry the information, and with my mental capabilities within the child also, the information will be decipherable and you will be able to just ask for the information that you require. The 'when' is much harder to predict, no doubt this child shall develop at an accelerated rate, merely because I am the mother, but the mind will take longer to mature."  
  
"Who will take care of the child?" Obi asked.  
  
"Initially my intent was that I would care for the child, but it seems that too closer exposure to me can have devastating effects, as seen with Tad, even in my human form I do not think that it has made much difference. Of course I did consider you," Kennedy paused, "but you are far too, twisted and would probably bring the child to believe that killing was fun," she heard a grunt of confirmation from Obi, "and so," she continued, "I shall leave my hosts body, and she shall raise the child."  
  
Obi crossed his arms, "and she will not think it odd?"  
  
"Yes," Kennedy admitted, "but I know her, and I know she will raise this child, despite it's abnormalities."  
  
Nothing more needed to be said. Kennedy left the room, her job almost complete, and Obi, the impatient one, leant back in his chair and thumped his desk hard in frustration, he had waited for such a long time, and now he was being told that he was to wait much more time.  
  
~*~  
  
End of chapter 14 


	14. Coffee at midnight

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager belongs to Paramount Pictures.  
  
Chapter 15 : Coffee at midnight  
  
Egypt, November 2nd 2379.  
  
Her breathing had shallowed and her crying ebbed, but Chakotay waited a little longer, kissing her forehead and gently caressing her arm. "I'm sorry," he said at last, "it was too soon, I should have waited."  
  
Kathryn reached out and placed her hand on the back of his head, bringing her self up from his chest to kiss him tenderly on the lips, "don't be sorry," she said softly, "I love you, this is what I wanted."  
  
"You were crying Kathryn, I hate to see you like that, I hate even more to think that you were crying because of me," he placed a hand on her cheek and tucked some loose strands of hair behind her ear. Then moving him self closer to her, "talk to me," his voice was barely a whisper but it had all of his strength behind him.  
  
"I shouldn't have left him," Kathryn said at last, "that afternoon at the memorial service, he said that something bad would happen if I left him, and it did. He had been thinking about doing it, and my just leaving him there to deal with it alone just made it worse."  
  
"Something happened to him Kathryn, I don't think that it would have made any difference whether you had have stayed with him or not," Chakotay insisted, holding her close.  
  
"No, you don't understand," Kathryn pulled away from him and sat up in their bed, "I did make it worse!"  
  
Chakotay sat up also, reaching out for Kathryn, fearing that she was becoming hysterical, "Kath-"  
  
He tried to calm her down but she interrupted, "I did the same thing last time, I just left him to deal with it alone, seeing him upset just made losing Felicity harder for me to deal with. I'm nothing more than a coward, I sent my son to boarding school when he needed me the most-"  
  
"Calm down Kathryn!" Chakotay raised his voice to override hers.  
  
"Chakotay you're not listening!" She couldn't bear it any longer and broke down crying.  
  
The pain Chakotay felt at seeing her like this, someone might as well have been stabbing him in the chest. "I am listening," he moved to her on the bed and put his arms securely around her, "I always listen, I always have done and always will. And now I'm trying to make you listen to yourself, to understand what you're saying the way I do." She relaxed slightly in his arms, although he could still see tears falling down her cheeks glinting slightly in the moonlight.  
  
"You were there for Tad all those years ago when you were told that Felicity was dead, as much as you could have been under the circumstances," he rocked her gently in his arms, "and Tad knows that. You think you're a bad mother because sometimes you were too scared to deal with your children- well how do you think I feel every time I see Aaron? I'm terrified, I'm so worried Kathryn that one day I'm going to let him down and he'll grow up thinking that I've failed him as a father."  
  
"You'll never do that Chakotay," her voice was soft and steady now.  
  
"How do I know that the day I can't make it to his school play, won't be the day that he decides that he doesn't love me?" Kathryn turned round and faced Chakotay putting a hand on his upper arm. "Or the day I shout at him for not coming home until well past midnight and causing us to worry all night, won't be that day that he runs off and joins a terrorist organisation?" He continued.  
  
"Chakotay," Kathryn interrupted, "let's make a deal now that I'll always be the parent that screws up."  
  
But he shook his head, "not this time Kathryn, apparently you've have twenty five years of being the screw up parent, it's my turn this time." She reached out and held his face in her hands, placing a soft kiss on his lips, Chakotay smiled down at her, relieved that she had calmed down. "The point I'm trying to make is that you never screwed up, Tad loves you, he probably doesn't idolise you," Chakotay added with a grin, "but he respects you, and at the end of the day you must have been doing something right amid all of those mistakes, because he hasn't got a bad word to say against you."  
  
"Really?" Kathryn looked up and met Chakotay's eyes, and was almost overwhelmed by the love for her that she saw in them.  
  
He nodded his head, "really," he confirmed. "And I love you," he ran his hand down her back, "and I'm sure Felicity loved you in her own unorganised way, and Aaron loves you, and I know that our son is never going to feel unloved by either of us, so stop questioning yourself!"  
  
Kathryn nodded, "I love you," she leant up and kissed him again on the lips, before breaking away from him and climbing off from the bed.  
  
"Where are you going?" Chakotay watched as she crossed the room.  
  
"I just want to check on Aaron," she said grabbing her silk robe from the hook, and then slipping it over her shoulders, tying the silk cord securely around her waist, emphasising her figure.  
  
"Okay," he smiled as she left the room.  
  
~*~  
  
Some minutes later- "is everything okay?"  
  
Kathryn looked round at the door's entrance and saw Chakotay standing in the opening wearing nothing but a concerned looked, she smiled up at him and saw his features relax. "Everything's fine, Aaron's sound asleep," she said at last.  
  
Light poured through the thin curtains of the room, gently illuminating where Kathryn stood. The light was too strong to be that of the moon, but came from a near by street light, dimly lighting up the dusty track for a road. Chakotay made his way over to where she was standing, wrapping his arms around his lover and looking over her shoulder and his sleeping son. She could feel his warm breath against her neck, and feeling comforted she leant back against his shoulder relishing in the closeness. "It's ironic, isn't it?" Chakotay said abstractly and almost to himself.  
  
Not understanding Kathryn frowned, although it was lost in the darkness Chakotay could almost feel that she was frowning. Maybe it was because he knew her so well, that he knew that would be her reaction, or maybe because he felt slight changes in her posture which he subconsciously translated. Either way, he knew, and went on to explain. "Voyager I mean."  
  
His explanation helped very little, if at all, "what do you mean?" she asked, turning to face him.  
  
"Well," he took in a breath and let it out slowly, to figure out for himself exactly what he did mean. "It was Voyager that brought us together, but it was also the one thing that kept us apart. I mean, Aaron, he was conceived on New Earth, when we had left Voyager and our ranks and began to make a new life on the planet, and then Voyager returned and you cut the pregnancy short with the hope that you could carry it on at a later time when things weren't so complicated." Kathryn had rested her head against Chakotay's chest feeling the strong pulse of his heart drumming against his ribs and the vibrations made throughout his torso as he spoke, the gentle lift and fall as he inhaled and exhaled. "And then when we left Voyager, things weren't so complicated, and here he is, six years later."  
  
"And here we are," Kathryn mused, "six years later, and to think that you married Seven," she caressed his upper arm, unaware that her voice was slightly muffled by the side of her lips still against his bare chest.  
  
Chakotay froze slightly, "huh?" he furrowed his eyebrows.  
  
Kathryn pulled away from him, she had never mentioned that part of what the Admiral Janeway from the future had told her. "In the alternate time line that would have happened had we not have travelled trough the wormhole to return to Earth, destroying half the Borg process," she added with a mild glint in her eye, she'd never finish relishing in that.  
  
"Uhuh," Chakotay said, a little more relaxed now understanding what she was talking about.  
  
"The Admiral told me that you and Seven were married before Seven died, what would have been about two years from now," Kathryn looked at Aaron sleeping so quietly and peacefully by them, and had a thought that their voices may wake him if they weren't careful, and so led Chakotay from the nursery pulling him gently behind her by the hand.  
  
"How come you never told me this before?" Chakotay closed the door carefully so as not to waken Aaron.  
  
"It never came up," she shrugged, but by his look she could see that he wasn't satisfied with this answer, "well, it's not something that you just say is it?"  
  
Chakotay shrugged, "you just did," he pointed out, following Kathryn in the direction of the kitchen.  
  
She turned and smiled broadly at him, "oh yeah," before walking over to the kitchen units, "do you want a coffee?"  
  
He nodded, "if your making them," he gave her a mock glare remembering the last time that she had asked him if he had wanted a coffee, and when he had answered that he would, she had smiled quirkily at him saying: 'could you make me one too?' He had obliged of course after hearing her complaints about fourteen hours of labour and what thanks did she get? A screaming baby!  
  
"So did the Admiral tell you anything else about what happened with me and Seven?" Chakotay asked, picking up one of Aaron's soft toys that he found lying on the stone tiled floor and looking at it fondly for a brief moment before returning it to a wicker basket containing numerous other soft toys (most of which they had received as gifts).  
  
"No," Kathryn said distantly, thinking to herself, "she said very little about her timeline. She only told me about Seven and Tuvok as a last attempt to changing my decision about travelling through the Borg conduits," she said finally, remembering their encounter with her future self.  
  
"Hum," Chakotay said thoughtfully, Kathryn looked round at him sitting on the sofa with a questioning look. "Do you think maybe that was part of why she travelled back in time to bring Voyager home- to maybe prevent my marriage with Seven?"  
  
"Don't flatter yourself Chakotay," Kathryn tried to sound serious but a smile tugged at the corners of her lips, giving her away.  
  
He laughed as she walked towards him with two mugs, "admit it Kathryn, you hate the idea of me with Seven!"  
  
Keeping her face serious, she set the two mugs down on the coffee table and turned to glare at Chakotay, "I have no idea what you're on about," she decided she wasn't going to boost his ego.  
  
Chakotay's smile just broadened and he laughed again, and eventually Kathryn joined him in laughter and sank into his arms as she sat beside him. Some moments later when they had both settled, Chakotay took another sip of his coffee and took a breath in as it to speak, and as Kathryn predicted- he did. "It's a weird thought to me now though; to think of being with any one but you, I just can't image it," he admitted.  
  
Kathryn nodded slightly, "I can't image not being with you either," she agreed. "I think that you might be right though, maybe your marriage to Seven did have something to do with the Admiral helping us to get home early, but I can't help thinking that there was something more, something that she didn't mention." She shook her head, lost for what it could be.  
  
"Did she ever say what happened after Seven died?" Chakotay attempted to maybe trigger a lost memory.  
  
"No, not really," she paused, it seemed such a long time since the Admiral's visit to Voyager, "she did say that you were never the same after Seven's death."  
  
This last piece of information was very little to go on, and Chakotay felt a little guilty disagreeing with what Kathryn had said the Admiral had told her about his reaction to Seven's death; as he didn't think that he would be so permanently devastated at her death as he knew he would be if he ever lost Kathryn. "Maybe when she was talking about me, maybe she meant us," Chakotay said what he was thinking, "after Seven died in her reality something could have happened between us, that meant our relationship was never the same again."  
  
"I doubt that it was anything good that happened between us then," she considered what he had said. There was another moment of silence, "I saw Seven the other day," she blurted out, suddenly remembering their encounter.  
  
"Oh yeah?" he was only vaguely interested in this change of conversation and he thought that maybe if he didn't get back to bed soon he might just fall asleep where he sat. Thinking about this, the thought that holding a hot coffee in his hands if he did fall asleep probably wasn't the best of ideas, and so he rested it on the table in front of where he sat.  
  
"Yes, when I went to visit Tad in the hospital she was at the reception desk as I walked out- Chakotay!" He sat up suddenly, falling asleep was officially no longer an option he realised. "Anyway, she's lost all of her Borg implants."  
  
Okay, he decided, maybe he would stay awake until the end of this conversation, unless she started talking about work, and then he just might drift off- "Oh," she was looking at him for some type of response, a question maybe? That would show he was listening! "How come?"  
  
"I think it had something to do with Tad," Kathryn furrowed her eyebrows, "no one's exactly sure what has happened to him, but it seems she came to his hospital room and he did something to her which removed all of the nano- probes from her body. Within days her implants started to fall off, a painful experience no doubt, and so the doctors heavily sedated her not knowing exactly whether or not the should stop the process."  
  
"Tad?" he was alert and awake.  
  
"Yes, it seems that Seven was his mysterious girlfriend these past few months," she raised an eyebrow and smiled slightly at the memories of Felicity pressing her brother for details of his new girlfriend, and Tad insisting that he would never tell her anything as long as Felicity had the intention of meeting the new girlfriend.  
  
"Ah," Chakotay smiled, although it was a little weird; his almost step son dating his ex-girlfriend, "I think that they would have been good for each other," he considered their two personas, and thought that they made quite a good match.  
  
Kathryn shrugged, "anyway, me and Seven got talking and we've- I don't know, I guess over the past few months we've grown apart and things were a little weird between the two of us when we did meet."  
  
"Does she know that Tad's your son?" Chakotay asked a little concerned about this confrontation.  
  
"Yes," she shrugged, "she figured it out herself- I'm kind of angry I guess with Tad, he knew that something like this would happen if he made contact with people that knew me, and he went and started an intimate relationship with one of the few people I know that analyse everything!"  
  
She felt him inhale deeply before he spoke, "have you reported this?"  
  
Kathryn shook her head, "I don't think that I should. They rarely erase memories unless it can be avoided, and probably the only reason that they didn't erase Seven's memory the first time is because they wanted to question her about when happened with her confrontation with Tad. But if they find out that she knows that he's my son, they may not be quite so lenient."  
  
Chakotay nodded, he could see how much distress it had caused her to erase his memories, and knew that she didn't want to repeat the experience with Seven. "Now that they've captured this Paul guy, shouldn't you be able to tell people about Tad?"  
  
This time Kathryn let out an exhausted breath, "you'd think wouldn't you!" she leant back against the sofa and closed her eyes briefly, running her thumb across the rim of her mug. Obviously she had had this conversation with intelligence and they were still putting pressure on her to conceal the fact that Tad was her son. "For me, a son that no one's heard of means press, press means lack of privacy, lack of privacy means that Paul's boss, a man called Obi, can track our positions. Personally, I think that he can anyway, but intelligence insists that it's easier to deal with a few people that know my whereabouts rather than the whole journalist-leach circuit trying to get interviews from the both of us. As usual intelligence just can't cope with the idea that one of us may mention them and our spot light will be momentarily shifted to them and questions will be asked about what other children of other officers they've kept secret."  
  
Kathryn finished and shot Chakotay an exasperated look, "suddenly it all makes sense," he said a little sarcastically, with a small smile on his face at the complexity of it all,  
  
"Well you're the first person that does," Kathryn returned the smile, "there's a theory within the elite," he looked at her blankly, "agents etc- that intelligence in run by Romulans trying to confuse us all by creating rules and documents and conspiracies, and to create a complete chaos within Star Fleet, and when that happens the theory goes on to say that they will then annihilate the federation and bring a rule of absolute evil for several generations before they realise they have no defence against the Borg, at which point the Borg will rule ultimately. And then the Q will realise that the Borg are getting too strong and step in, only to find that the Borg have adapted to their interference, at which point the universe will collapse back in on itself before another big bang, at which point the universe will start all over again."  
  
"Very philosophical," Chakotay grinned.  
  
"It's called chaos theory," she smiled briefly before her smile faded and she looked back across at Chakotay sitting beside her, "want to go back to bed?"  
  
He nodded and stood, turning slightly to see Kathryn's hand offered to him for a hand up from the sofa. He obliged and they walked back towards their room in a zombie-like state.  
  
End of chapter 15 


	15. Unintended

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager belongs to Paramount, it is not mine, but neither is the air and I'm still breathing it!  
  
Okay, I think it's confession time;  
  
The song Unintended belongs to Muse, and was written by Matt, who is, by chance, one of the greatest musicians ever! Rebecca, you probably won't be pleased to know, that Muse took Celine Dion to court because she wanted to call her tour 'muse', they won and she had to rename her tour, probably something like Celine Dion on tour. Anyway, now that I have divulged that pointless piece of information. . .  
  
I think I need to do a disclaimer for Farsecape as well, it's very subtle and you might not have noticed what I've borrowed from the series, but I just need to state that no harm was intended.  
  
I can't think of anything else that I've borrowed, but if you see anything just let me know in the review. Hope you enjoy:  
  
~*~  
  
Chapter 16: Unintended  
  
As far as Tad could remember, work stayed in the office, and the rest of the house was for the family, even living on board star ships where they virtually lived in the work place somehow it was always kept separate. Seven years in the delta quadrant, he noted, hadn't changed that habit. Some habits just stuck, he thought to himself with a faint smile, and then frowned at seeing two empty coffee cups- nope, some habits just stuck!  
  
As he walked through the hall he noticed the door to Kathryn's office was ajar, pausing briefly he decided he would enter, he knocked gently on the wood and was received with the affirmative 'uhuh' allowing him to enter. She was sitting at her desk, several mugs placed randomly around the room, most were empty or contained coffee gone cold, but no doubt there would be one mug, probably the one her hand was edging towards, that would contain the fresh coffee at just the right temperature that his mother enjoyed so much.  
  
He leant against the wall near to the door at the far end from the desk, Kathryn was engrossed in a report and probably wouldn't look up for another few moments until she had finished her paragraph. This was the room where she kept her awards, colours, the miniature gold replicas of every star ship she had served aboard, the coffee machine (replicated was no longer an option) and of course her work. Eventually she put the padd down on her desk and leant back in her chair, crossing her arms and looking at him evenly, studying him, analysing why he had come to see her, and waiting for him to go first.  
  
"Equations," there were better places to start, but that was the only way that came to mind so he went with it.  
  
She frowned, "am I supposed to know what you mean?" she asked at last.  
  
"You asked me what I was writing on the walls," he unfolded his arms and pressed his finger tips to the wall behind him pushing him self off it slightly and then allowing him to fall back onto them. "I was writing equations."  
  
"Equations to what?" her interrogating look on him was piercing, but he wasn't unperturbed, he'd grown up with that look, and over time he had learnt when to keep talking and when to run for it.  
  
"Lots of things," Tad said after thinking about it, he paused again, but Kathryn didn't interrupt or attempt to return to her work, just watched him with a tenderness that only a mother could understand beneath her blank gaze- she was willing to listen for how ever long he was willing to talk. Tad bit his lip and made his way over to the desk, sitting down opposite her, "did dad ever tell you what happened to him on Veltac?"  
  
Kathryn shifted a little uncomfortably in her seat, "a little," she said, frowning at the change in subject.  
  
"I know that he was taken by a hostile alien race, but did he ever say what they did to him while he was held there?"  
  
Tad was leaning on his elbow expectantly waiting for an answer and there was no reason not to answer his question, "when you father came back from the planet he wasn't quite the same for a time, he never gave details of what happened, just that he was kept in a prison for a time. Justin had never been one for talking when it came to about himself, he was just very quiet and reclusive for some months, it put an enormous strain on our relationship, I'm surprised that we ever made it through that phase."  
  
"Good job you did, because then you wouldn't have had me," Tad said with a smile.  
  
Equally Kathryn returned the smile momentarily before it faded a little, "it was because of you that we did manage to stay together, when I found out I was pregnant, Justin finally pulled himself out of it, and by the time you were born you would never have guessed that he'd ever been through anything as traumatic as he had." She finished and looked at her son ever more curiously, "why do you want to know all this?"  
  
Tad shrugged and frowned, "I'm not sure," he shook his head in dismay at himself, "I only have parts of the picture, and I know that some things are linked, but I don't know why or how most of the time. I know there was a war between two alien species, I don't know who started it, or who they were, but it was over some information. The side that had the information found that they were betrayed by their own side too often, and so chose to pass the knowledge onto someone more trustworthy. . ."  
  
He broke off, and look up from the floor to meet his mother's gaze, "the knowledge, I have it, I don't understand it, but I know that it's important. I don't think that dad just made Felicity perfect because he knew that he could, but because he didn't want her to share the same burden as we had. The information lies in imperfection, without it, it cannot exist; it's like an art, it doesn't have rules, or a set shape or form, it just is."  
  
First she didn't do or say anything, just stared right at him, he wasn't going to say anything further, and so she guessed it was her turn to respond. Her next move was to lift her mug and sip the still warm contents, her eyes still fixed on him all the time, until she returned the mug to the desk. "Tell me what happened to you," she said at last.  
  
Tad let out a deep breath slowly through pursed lips, "there was a woman, like there always is, Kennedy, attractive, hit on me, I was pissed, I need not tell you what happened," to his mother's affirmative nod he continued, "but it didn't feel right. No, it was more than that, it's hard to describe, it's like being the coldest, the most unhappy and yet the most exhilarating you've ever been all at once, well it was like that with her. Not sex, but just being in the same room as her, I didn't notice it at first, but the sensations became more intense the more time I spent with her. Even after she had gone the feeling was still there, dormant, but gradually growing, until unbearable."  
  
Again Kathryn didn't respond immediately, "you sound just like your father," she said with a cautious look in her eyes, "strange you should bring up Veltac as it was after that that he first started to describe such depression."  
  
"It's not depression!" Tad insisted.  
  
Kathryn raised an eyebrow, "what is it then?"  
  
He leant back. Stumped. "I'll get back to you on that one . . . but that's why they had to get arid of Felicity so that she didn't disturb their plan."  
  
"Who is they Tad?" Kathryn's voice raised another notch, "Felicity's death has nothing to do with you!"  
  
"She's not dead!" Tad stated angrily, "she's still alive, they tried to kill her but they couldn't. . . You don't believe me do you?"  
  
"I'm sorry Tad, but sometimes when people go through traumatic experiences like losing loved ones, they can change the situation in their minds to make more sense of it. Just accept it Tad, your sister's not coming back."  
  
Tad sank back in his chair, "you did," he said quietly.  
  
"Barely," she replied quietly thinking about all of the close calls they had had in the delta quadrant, all of the lives that had been lost . . . "This Kennedy," she said at last, "what species was she?"  
  
"Huh?" Tad hadn't thought about it before, "I just assumed that she was human, I mean, she looked human, but then, she didn't seem human and after what happened . . . I don't know. You don't think that she was the same species as the aliens on Veltac?"  
  
"In disguise maybe," Kathryn shrugged, "stranger things have happened. Maybe you should ask intelligence to help you track her down, see if she has any answers for you. She might know how you were able to do what you did to Seven."  
  
"She's probably long gone by now, but I'll talk to Alex about it." There was a long moments silence before Tad chose to speak again, "if dad hadn't died do you think that the two of you would still be together now?"  
  
Kathryn rolled her eyes and leaned back in her chair letting out a long breath, "why's nothing ever simple with you Tobias?" she asked rhetorically, "I don't know to be honest, maybe, but we were young and there was a lot that we didn't know about each other. Enough speculating about what-ifs, I love Chakotay and I have Aaron let's try to concentrate on the present and the future."  
  
Tad nodded solemnly, "who do you love more?" he quirked an eyebrow knowing the question would annoy her.  
  
"Coffee," she answered briskly, "is there anything else you want to talk about? . . . Anything other than your father."  
  
"I guess not," he shrugged, "oh," he said remembering something that had been nagging at him for some time, "I was wondering if I would be able to visit Annika."  
  
Kathryn frowned, "you do realise that you're supposed to be dead?"  
  
"Oh," Tad bit his lower lip, "and intelligence really thinks that she believes them?"  
  
"Not for a minute, it's just easier bringing her into their lie as well instead of wiping the minds of everyone else that she may have told about you."  
  
"So what's the harm?" he asked, before adding, "one visit, that's all I'm asking, surely you could pull some strings."  
  
Kathryn rolled her eyes, "I'll see what I can do," she smiled at him. Their thoughts were broken suddenly, by the sound of a screaming baby, shooting her eldest son an apologetic look Kathryn stood and followed Tad out of her office towards the source. Entering the nursery they saw Chakotay just lifting Aaron out of his cot, he turned round and smiled at them, "he'll just get encouraged if all three of us turn up every time that he starts crying," he joked softly, pressing his lips to his son's head and gently stroking the back of his neck to sooth him.  
  
"I didn't know you were still up," Kathryn said making her way over to the two of them.  
  
"I was just about to call it a night when I heard him," Chakotay looked over at Tad standing awkwardly by the door way, "you want to take over Tad?"  
  
Tad smiled, "sure," he walked over and Chakotay transferred Aaron to his older brother's arms.  
  
"If you're okay with him, I think me and Kathryn will call it a night," Chakotay said innocently enough.  
  
"We will?" Kathryn frowned, Chakotay turned to her and flashed her a wicked grin, she understood, "oh yes," she said at last.  
  
Tad rolled his eyes, "thanks for being so discrete," he said sarcastically, "I knew you had ulterior motives for letting me stay here, you just wanted someone to baby sit Aaron, while you- ugh, no, just go already!"  
  
Smirking the couple left the room, "parents," Tad muttered to Aaron hearing their footsteps fade to the other end of the house.  
  
~*~  
  
Felicity pulled a face close to her mother's death glare, "so you're telling me that you don't know where it is?"  
  
The purple alien looked uncomfortable, the last time he had given her bad news she slammed his face into a wall and held it there until security officers had peeled her from him.  
  
"Not exactly," he tried the tactful approach, breaking the news to her slowly in the hope that that way his life be prolonged.  
  
"Then be exact!" he insisted through clenched jaws, her temper rising with every passing second.  
  
He paused again and took a deep breath, if it was to be his last he wanted to get a good lung full. "We believe that your shuttle has been stolen."  
  
She paused, "are you sure that when my shuttle was 'stolen' that the culprits did not leave behind any sort of 'payment'?"  
  
"That would be implying that we sold your shuttle," he said nervously.  
  
"It would, wouldn't it," she removed her pistol from its holster and held it to his head, "if they activate the warp ten the chances are that will start to mutate, now, if you have sold my shuttle to those Provalians that I saw earlier, like I think that you have, and their families find out that due to your incompetence, they no longer have their sons, brothers or husbands, do you really think that they are going to let you get away with it." She gave him a few moments to think about it, "because from what I've heard, Provalians aren't very understanding when they're upset."  
  
The purple man in front of her moved uncomfortably at the truth to the words, before remembering that there was a gun still pointed at his head. "Maybe the security will be able to track down your shuttle," he said at last.  
  
Felicity put her pistol back in its holster, and crossed her arms as she watched the purple alien scuttle about the room in the hope of retrieving her 'missing' shuttle.  
  
~*~  
  
Seven sat back on the couch and sighed to herself, that day had been exhausting, she was still getting used to the idea that she was not capable of going for long amounts of time without resting. When she still had her Borg implants she could go days without regenerating, but now she found it difficult to stay up longer than 31 hours with out resting.  
  
She had just come back from a large dinner that Tom and B'Elanna had invited her to at Admiral Paris's house. They had just returned from the Klingon colony where they were now living, and were visiting Earth for a few weeks. There had been about twenty of the old crew there, and Seven was part relieved that Kathryn hadn't turned up, she wasn't ready to face her again. Many of the old crew were surprised that her implants had gone, and her equally that the news had not reached them as she knew how quickly gossip spread within the Voyager crew.  
  
Closing her eyes briefly she heard someone at the door, and reluctantly she got up from the sofa and made her way over to the door.  
  
Tad smiled nervously as Seven's face went from surprise, to confusion and then to anger as she opened the door and saw him standing in the hall way. She was about to slam the door on his face when he held out a hand and stopped the door before it closed completely. "Please Annika, here me out, I need to explain everything."  
  
"I don't want to talk to you," she said, annoyed that now without her Borg strength she was not able to over power him.  
  
"One minute," he said quickly, "just one minute."  
  
She released her push on the door and looked at him expectantly, crossing her arms, having no intention of letting him back in.  
  
"Okay," he thought for a moment, panicking, what the hell was he going to say? Realising that his minutes were quickly and even more painfully ticking away he desperately racked his brains for something to say. In the end he settled for a song.  
  
"You could be my unintended, choice to live my life extended, you could be the one I'll always love.  
  
"You could be the one who listens, to my deepest inquisition, you could be the one I'll always love.  
  
"And I'll be there as soon as I can, but I'm busy mending broken pieces of a life I had before."  
  
The silence following was a little more painful, "please don't make me go on," he pulled a quirky grin, "the song gets higher, although sweeter, I know of only one way to get some of those high notes, and that would be very painful for me." She stifled a smile, which softened her entire posture, "I guess that I'm just trying say thank you for pulling me out of that bath tub."  
  
She stepped to one side of the entrance, indicating that she was allowing him to enter, gratefully he took one step through into her apartment. They had a lot to talk about, and even less time to do it all in, so when she asked him why he had tried to kill him self, he didn't bother curving around the subject and just told her the plain and simple truth, he didn't have a clue.  
  
~*~  
  
End of Chapter 16  
  
End of Unintended  
  
~*~  
  
Thanks for all those that have been reading this, and especially to those that have been reviewing. If you've found this story confusing, I'm really sorry, it was meant to be a simple plot, but I got more and more ideas, and now they seem a bit shit, but by the time I realised, Chapter 14 was already written, so it was a little late to rewrite the whole thing.  
  
Anyway, I hoped you've enjoyed reading Unintended and its prequel, this is probably the last story featuring Tad and Flic, and I'm now working on about three other Voyager stories, plus a forth attempt at writing a novel, last time I got to the tenth chapter of a story (where the chapters were about twice as long as this one) and then lost all enthusiasm for it, and haven't touched it in months! I doubt you'll see another long story like this for some months because I've got exams to revise for, but you never know . . . 


End file.
